PART ONE
In which we meet Daniel, his friends, his enemy,
a boat sinks, an Inuit is stranded, and an alien planet is destroyed.
In which we meet Daniel, his friends, his enemy,
a boat sinks, an Inuit is stranded, and an alien planet is destroyed.
LA CROSSE, WISCONSIN
It was the first day back after the winter break and Daniel Pantsback was running late for school. Literally.
Now that Daniel was in the fifth grade he was old enough to participate in team sports, so he was walking the four miles to North La Crosse Elementary School every day to get plenty of exercise so he’d be ready for tryouts. The walk had started out fine, but he’d been slowed down by the snow that had started falling shortly after he left his house.
Daniel had wanted to play sports in the fall but because of budget cuts the only after-school programs the school offered were Badmitten and Cheese Curd Making. And I know what you’re thinking. Badmitten’s not that bad.
But what you’re not realizing is that the game with the racket and the net and the white birdie with the red rubber tip is called Badminton. Seriously. That’s how it was spelled.
What North La Crosse Elementary offered last fall was Bad-Mitten, which was a team knitting club where everyone sat around and knitted mittens and scarves and hats, but mostly everyone just made a mess of knots and poked each other with knitting needles.
Cheese Curd Making wasn’t a sport either, but both knitting and cheese were pretty big deals in Wisconsin so that’s what the school went with.
This spring, though, the two sports the school was offering were Intermediate Cheese Curd Making and Lacrosse. And Daniel loved lacrosse. He watched games on the television, had posters of his favorite teams and dreamed of being a major league lacrosse player someday. Making the North La Crosse Elementary school team was the first step in reaching his dream.
Due to budget cuts, North La Crosse Elementary only had one janitor for the entire building. This meant that unless it was an emergency, messes tended to stay messy for a long time. To make things less messy the school had students line up all of their winter boots along the main corridor between the principal’s office and the library, which meant that everyone walked the halls and sat in their classrooms in their socks.
This worked out great for the janitor because all of those clean white socks walking around really picked up the dirt from the floor so the school had never looked better… until this morning.
After walking through the snow all the way from his house, Daniel had actually made it to school on time, barely. He took off his boots as the final bell rang, letting him know that he had less than twenty seconds to get to his classroom before his teacher, Mrs. Venner, closed the door. Once the door was shut Daniel would need a pass to get back in, and passes were only given out in the principal’s office, and that was to be avoided at all cost. Principal Miller was a nice enough guy normally, but with all of the recent budget cuts he was under a lot of stress lately.
So Daniel hurried to class and was almost there when he was stopped by a river of water rushing down the hall, blocking the way to his classroom just as the door was starting to close.
Mr. Strandell, the school janitor, went running by with a mop and a bucket screaming, “Out of the way!” even though there was no one else in the hallway but he and Daniel. Mr. Strandell disappeared into the boy’s bathroom.
His classroom door was almost closed now, giving Daniel no choice but to run for it. Splashing through the water in his white socks, soaking them as he ran, Daniel slid into class at the last second and took his seat, wet socks and all, as Mrs. Venner took attendance.
MEANWHILE… OUTSIDE OF A FACTORY IN CHAIWAN
A butterfly sat on the ledge of a factory window and gently flapped its wings.
MEANWHILE… OUTSIDE OF A FACTORY IN CHAIWAN
A butterfly sat on the ledge of a factory window and gently flapped its wings.
MEANWHILE… INSIDE OF A FACTORY IN CHAIWAN
Fen Mian set the shoe string down on his workbench and gazed at a butterfly as it sat on the ledge of the factory window and gently flapped its wings.
Fen’s job was to sit at his lonely table all day, by himself, with nothing but a big box of lacrosse sticks and a bag full of shoe strings. He would run the shoe string back and forth across the netting and the head of a stick, then tie the string in a very specific way so it wouldn’t come loose. This gave the lacrosse ball a lot of support when it was thrown, allowing it to fly very fast and very straight. When the stick was laced he would place it in a separate box that was going to be shipped off to America.
But Fen’s heart wasn’t in it. He sat next to a window that had been painted over so he couldn’t look outside. His bosses only wanted their workers focusing on the lacrosse sticks.
But Fen had found a way to open the window just a crack to let in some fresh air, sunlight, and now a beautiful butterfly.
Fen didn’t like his job but what else could he do? The only thing he loved was noodles. Rice noodles, wheat noodles, noodles in soup or noodles in a bowl by themselves. In fact, he only worked in the sporting goods factory so he could make enough money to buy more noodles.
Fen thought about the master noodle makers who worked down in the Noodle District. They would mix flour and water into a dough, stretching it out with their hands and arms, slapping the dough onto a table. They would take a knife and cut and stretch and stretch and cut until they had thousands of individual strands. They would set the strands on wooden racks to dry and then sell them to local noodle houses where Fen enjoyed eating them very much.
It was when he was gazing at the butterfly, daydreaming about noodles that Fen accidentally tied the wrong knot on the shoestring he had laced through a lacrosse stick.
It was also when one of his bosses saw the open window and the butterfly and the gazing.
The boss frowned, fearing that the other workers might start wanting fresh air and butterflies too, and so he fired Fen from his factory job.
Fen left the building determined to find a job that he loved.
The lacrosse stick left the building tied with a bad knot, placed in a cardboard box, and sent to a boat on a dock that was leaving the next day for America.
MEANWHILE… INSIDE OF A FACTORY IN CHAIWAN
Fen Mian set the shoe string down on his workbench and gazed at a butterfly as it sat on the ledge of the factory window and gently flapped its wings.
Fen’s job was to sit at his lonely table all day, by himself, with nothing but a big box of lacrosse sticks and a bag full of shoe strings. He would run the shoe string back and forth across the netting and the head of a stick, then tie the string in a very specific way so it wouldn’t come loose. This gave the lacrosse ball a lot of support when it was thrown, allowing it to fly very fast and very straight. When the stick was laced he would place it in a separate box that was going to be shipped off to America.
But Fen’s heart wasn’t in it. He sat next to a window that had been painted over so he couldn’t look outside. His bosses only wanted their workers focusing on the lacrosse sticks.
But Fen had found a way to open the window just a crack to let in some fresh air, sunlight, and now a beautiful butterfly.
Fen didn’t like his job but what else could he do? The only thing he loved was noodles. Rice noodles, wheat noodles, noodles in soup or noodles in a bowl by themselves. In fact, he only worked in the sporting goods factory so he could make enough money to buy more noodles.
Fen thought about the master noodle makers who worked down in the Noodle District. They would mix flour and water into a dough, stretching it out with their hands and arms, slapping the dough onto a table. They would take a knife and cut and stretch and stretch and cut until they had thousands of individual strands. They would set the strands on wooden racks to dry and then sell them to local noodle houses where Fen enjoyed eating them very much.
It was when he was gazing at the butterfly, daydreaming about noodles that Fen accidentally tied the wrong knot on the shoestring he had laced through a lacrosse stick.
It was also when one of his bosses saw the open window and the butterfly and the gazing.
The boss frowned, fearing that the other workers might start wanting fresh air and butterflies too, and so he fired Fen from his factory job.
Fen left the building determined to find a job that he loved.
The lacrosse stick left the building tied with a bad knot, placed in a cardboard box, and sent to a boat on a dock that was leaving the next day for America.
MEANWHILE… IN LA CROSSE, WISCONSIN
Daniel walked home in socks that were still damp from the water at school. His toes were freezing and felt like they were going to fall off! When he got home he dried his feet and his socks by the fireplace as he read the lacrosse team tryout form to his mother.
“Tryouts are later this month!” Daniel told her.
“If I make the team I get a school jersey!” Daniel said, excitedly.
“All we need to do is buy a helmet, gloves, arm pads, shoulder and chest protector, socks, cleats, mouth guard and a stick.” Daniel explained.
“Huh,” said his mother. “That sounds expensive.”
“It’s not that expensive,” Daniel told her. “It’s only $400 dollars.”
“Oh, is that all?” said his mother, sarcastically, although Daniel sometimes had trouble picking up on sarcasm, which is a fancy way of saying something like you meant it but you really mean the opposite of it. Daniel could tell, though, that what she really meant was, “all that stuff is actually very, very expensive.”
“And you need all that just for tryouts? What if you don’t make the team?” his mother asked.
“I WILL make the team.”
His mother considered what Daniel was saying, and looked at the flyer. Daniel knew she would say yes because she loved him and she knew how important lacrosse was to him. Still, he had to wait while she thought about it.
“I’ll tell you what,” she said after a few minutes had passed. “If you buy the gloves, your father and I will get you the rest of the equipment.”
Daniel knew that lacrosse gloves by themselves were at least fifty dollars. Even if he saved his allowance money each week it would take ten weeks to buy the gloves and by then the lacrosse season would be over!
Daniel picked up the North La Crosse Times newspaper with the hope that in the Help Wanted section there would be someone looking to hire a sixth-grader. As he suspected, though, there was nothing.
Closing the paper something caught his eye. On the front page, even above the headlines, was a banner that read, “Deliver Newspapers… Earn Money… Perfect Job for Students… Must Be in Fifth Grade or Higher”
Daniel ran to the phone in his moist socks and called the newspaper.
MEANWHILE… IN LA CROSSE, WISCONSIN
Daniel walked home in socks that were still damp from the water at school. His toes were freezing and felt like they were going to fall off! When he got home he dried his feet and his socks by the fireplace as he read the lacrosse team tryout form to his mother.
“Tryouts are later this month!” Daniel told her.
“If I make the team I get a school jersey!” Daniel said, excitedly.
“All we need to do is buy a helmet, gloves, arm pads, shoulder and chest protector, socks, cleats, mouth guard and a stick.” Daniel explained.
“Huh,” said his mother. “That sounds expensive.”
“It’s not that expensive,” Daniel told her. “It’s only $400 dollars.”
“Oh, is that all?” said his mother, sarcastically, although Daniel sometimes had trouble picking up on sarcasm, which is a fancy way of saying something like you meant it but you really mean the opposite of it. Daniel could tell, though, that what she really meant was, “all that stuff is actually very, very expensive.”
“And you need all that just for tryouts? What if you don’t make the team?” his mother asked.
“I WILL make the team.”
His mother considered what Daniel was saying, and looked at the flyer. Daniel knew she would say yes because she loved him and she knew how important lacrosse was to him. Still, he had to wait while she thought about it.
“I’ll tell you what,” she said after a few minutes had passed. “If you buy the gloves, your father and I will get you the rest of the equipment.”
Daniel knew that lacrosse gloves by themselves were at least fifty dollars. Even if he saved his allowance money each week it would take ten weeks to buy the gloves and by then the lacrosse season would be over!
Daniel picked up the North La Crosse Times newspaper with the hope that in the Help Wanted section there would be someone looking to hire a sixth-grader. As he suspected, though, there was nothing.
Closing the paper something caught his eye. On the front page, even above the headlines, was a banner that read, “Deliver Newspapers… Earn Money… Perfect Job for Students… Must Be in Fifth Grade or Higher”
Daniel ran to the phone in his moist socks and called the newspaper.
MEANWHILE… IN THE ARCTIC CIRCLE
On top of a snow-covered glacier in the Arctic Circle two Inuits stood in their fur coats looking up at the Northern Lights as they flickered and waved above them. The taller Inuit, Taangag, was holding hands with his girlfriend, Emeq.
Technically they were holding mittens because it was so cold in the Arctic Circle that if anyone actually held hands their skin would stick together and the only way to separate them would be to pull their hands, and skin, apart. And while Taangag loved Emeq very much, he could never cause her pain. So instead they held mittens.
“I like your coat,” Emeq said, touching the soft fur around the collar.
“Thank you. I like your mittens,” Taangag said, touching the soft yarn around her wrist.
“Thanks,” she said. “They were made by a knitting team in a faraway land called Wisconsin.”
“Huh, Taangag said, not knowing where Wisconsin was.
“I got you a pair, too.”
Emeq took out a pair of bright, knitted orange mittens and gave them to Taangag, who put them on.
Taangag didn’t know where much of anything was since his entire life had been spent in the Arctic tundra, hunting polar bears and ice fishing in his tiny village. Still, he had always wanted to see the world and he hoped more than anything that one day he would go on a grand adventure.
“Did you know,” Emeq said, “that the Northern Lights are caused by particles from the sun that get caught in the atmosphere as they streak past our planet?”
Taangag most certainly did not know that, as he had never really gone to school and knew very little about anything other than polar bears and fishing and simple village life.
Emeq, though, was very smart and her hope was to go to college to learn all there was to learn in the world. But first she needed to save up enough money to leave her tiny village, which was hard because her village didn’t even use money but instead traded things like polar bear skins and fish for other things like polar bear meat and different kinds of fish.
As the Northern Lights moved back and forth in waves of green and blue, Taangag leaned over to give Emeq a kiss. Now as has already been mentioned, in the Arctic Circle skin shouldn’t touch skin because it is moist and the moisture will form ice and the ice will stick and so on and so forth. And lips definitely shouldn’t touch because lips have more moisture in them than, say, your ear or your elbow.
So what the Inuit do, and what Taangag did, was to touch the end of his nose to the end of Emeq’s nose, and together they rubbed their noses back and forth.
Taangag and Emeq loved each other very much so they probably rubbed noses a little longer than most people who just generally like each other. And because their noses rubbed longer their noses generated more heat than they normally would because of all the friction, which is a fancy term used for when two things rub together and generate heat, like your hands when you rub them together, or your bum when you go down a slide.
And it was this nose friction, this tiny, teeny bit of heat that raised the temperature around them by one single tiny, teeny degree. But this was enough to crack the ice between Taangag and Emeq.
Before he could move or jump to her, Taangag found himself on a giant iceberg, floating away from Emeq, further and further out to sea.
“I love you!” Taangag shouted.
“What?” Emeq shouted back as his iceberg drifted farther and farther away.
“I will come back for you!” Taangag shouted, because he would. Perhaps this iceberg would take him on a grand adventure. Perhaps it would take him to a faraway land like Wisconsin. But no matter where he went he knew he would return for her.
“I can’t hear you!” Emeq shouted back.
Taangag smiled as he floated away on the cold arctic iceberg because when Emeq said, “I can’t hear you,” it had sounded an awful lot to Taangag like she had said, “I love you!”
Taangag raised his new, orange mitten and waved to Emeq. Even on a cold block of ice floating in freezing water in the middle of the Arctic Circle, Emeq’s love made him warmer than all the friction in the world.
MEANWHILE… BACK IN LA CROSSE
Daniel’s second day of school started out a lot better than his first. For starters, his socks were dry. Then, in class everyone was assigned new seats.
Teachers move everyone around on the second day of school using the first day of school to find out who all the talkers and troublemakers are.
Because of his good behavior, and a few other kid’s bad behavior, Daniel had been allowed to move to the back of the class where he was given a seat between Martin McMartin and his twin sister Molly.
Martin was Daniel’s best friend and he and his sister lived on the same street as Daniel, were the same age as Daniel, were in the same class as Daniel, and had even been born in the same hospital on the same day as Daniel. That, however, is where their similarities ended.
Daniel was an average boy who liked average things, with his one exception being his love of lacrosse. Martin was extremely quiet, almost never spoke and preferred to play video games whenever he wasn’t napping, which was most of the time when he wasn’t playing video games.
Molly was fun and outgoing and very smart and had bright yellow hair pulled back in a ponytail. The only downside she had, in Daniel’s opinion, was that when she talked it was always slightly louder than other people.
In fact, one day Daniel noticed that Mrs. Venner, their teacher, had stopped calling on Molly for answers, even when she raised her hand, because she was so loud. Daniel had tried it once but just couldn’t bring himself to talk that loudly even if it meant not getting called on in class.
“Who can tell me what year the War of Eighteen Twelve began?”
Molly immediately raised her hand high, holding her raised forearm with her other hand, waving back and forth. Mrs. Venner scanned the rest of the room although no other hands were raised. Molly grunted quietly to herself through gritted teeth, “Eighteen twelve… pick me… eighteen twelve…”
Daniel raised his hand.
“Yes, Daniel?”
“Um… Eighteen twelve?” he said as Molly lowered her hand in disappointment.
“Correct!” Mrs. Venner said, encouraging the rest of the class. “Now who can tell me the capital of Peru?”
Molly’s hand shot back up and she was grunting and straining worse than ever, but Daniel couldn’t quite make out what she was saying.
“Lima… pick me… pick me… it’s Lima.”
Mrs. Venner scanned the room again but no one raised their hand, so Daniel lifted his.
“Yes, Daniel?”
“Llama?”
“Lima. The capital of Peru is Lima.”
“That’s true!” Molly said, not waiting to be called on. “But did you know that most llamas in South America live in Peru!”
“Please wait until you’re called on, Molly,” Mrs. Venner said.
Daniel looked over and saw Martin holding his social studies book as if reading it, which was unusual because Martin never read anything. As Daniel looked closer he could see that the book was actually hiding a small, handheld video game.
And that was how the second day went… until lunch.
When lunch period was over and everyone was walking back to class, Daniel heard shouting from the boy’s bathroom. A few seconds later the door opened, some kids ran out screaming, and a tidal wave of water followed behind them, sweeping them down the hall and right past Daniel, Martin and Molly.
After the wet sock incident the day before, Daniel backed up to keep his feet dry and accidentally bumped into someone. That someone then fell, face first, into the water.
It was only when the person stood up and pulled his sopping wet hair from his eyes that Daniel saw who he had bumped into. Cliff Coopersmith. The meanest kid in the entire school.
All of the kids in the hallway took a step back except Molly and Martin. Martin had his head buried in a video game and might have missed the whole thing anyway.
“Do you know how much trouble you’re in, kid?” Cliff asked, jabbing Daniel in the chest with a wet finger.
“I’m really sorry,” Daniel said. “I was just backing up and… and it was an accident.”
“Do you want me to beat you up here or do you want me to beat you up on the playground after school?” Cliff asked. Daniel didn’t like either of those options very much and was about to say so when Martin spoke without looking up from his game.
“I don’t know what you’re so mad about. That’s probably the first bath you’ve had in a month.”
Everyone in the hallway laughed at this which made Cliff even more angry and embarrassed.
Cliff pulled his arm back, preparing to hit Daniel when the janitor, Mr. Strandell, came running by pushing a mop and bucket shouting,
“Out of the way! Out of the way!”
Daniel stepped back along with everyone else. Cliff, however, stood his ground, staring at Daniel.
A second later the yellow mop bucket hit Cliff in the ankle and the filthy mop head smacked him in the face, knocking him down into the water again.
“You shouldn’t lay there, kid.” Mr. Strandell said. “That’s toilet water.”
As the janitor ran on toward the bathroom everyone else ran to their classrooms, leaving Cliff sitting alone in a puddle on the floor.
Daniel’s second day of school started out a lot better than his first. For starters, his socks were dry. Then, in class everyone was assigned new seats.
Teachers move everyone around on the second day of school using the first day of school to find out who all the talkers and troublemakers are.
Because of his good behavior, and a few other kid’s bad behavior, Daniel had been allowed to move to the back of the class where he was given a seat between Martin McMartin and his twin sister Molly.
Martin was Daniel’s best friend and he and his sister lived on the same street as Daniel, were the same age as Daniel, were in the same class as Daniel, and had even been born in the same hospital on the same day as Daniel. That, however, is where their similarities ended.
Daniel was an average boy who liked average things, with his one exception being his love of lacrosse. Martin was extremely quiet, almost never spoke and preferred to play video games whenever he wasn’t napping, which was most of the time when he wasn’t playing video games.
Molly was fun and outgoing and very smart and had bright yellow hair pulled back in a ponytail. The only downside she had, in Daniel’s opinion, was that when she talked it was always slightly louder than other people.
In fact, one day Daniel noticed that Mrs. Venner, their teacher, had stopped calling on Molly for answers, even when she raised her hand, because she was so loud. Daniel had tried it once but just couldn’t bring himself to talk that loudly even if it meant not getting called on in class.
“Who can tell me what year the War of Eighteen Twelve began?”
Molly immediately raised her hand high, holding her raised forearm with her other hand, waving back and forth. Mrs. Venner scanned the rest of the room although no other hands were raised. Molly grunted quietly to herself through gritted teeth, “Eighteen twelve… pick me… eighteen twelve…”
Daniel raised his hand.
“Yes, Daniel?”
“Um… Eighteen twelve?” he said as Molly lowered her hand in disappointment.
“Correct!” Mrs. Venner said, encouraging the rest of the class. “Now who can tell me the capital of Peru?”
Molly’s hand shot back up and she was grunting and straining worse than ever, but Daniel couldn’t quite make out what she was saying.
“Lima… pick me… pick me… it’s Lima.”
Mrs. Venner scanned the room again but no one raised their hand, so Daniel lifted his.
“Yes, Daniel?”
“Llama?”
“Lima. The capital of Peru is Lima.”
“That’s true!” Molly said, not waiting to be called on. “But did you know that most llamas in South America live in Peru!”
“Please wait until you’re called on, Molly,” Mrs. Venner said.
Daniel looked over and saw Martin holding his social studies book as if reading it, which was unusual because Martin never read anything. As Daniel looked closer he could see that the book was actually hiding a small, handheld video game.
And that was how the second day went… until lunch.
When lunch period was over and everyone was walking back to class, Daniel heard shouting from the boy’s bathroom. A few seconds later the door opened, some kids ran out screaming, and a tidal wave of water followed behind them, sweeping them down the hall and right past Daniel, Martin and Molly.
After the wet sock incident the day before, Daniel backed up to keep his feet dry and accidentally bumped into someone. That someone then fell, face first, into the water.
It was only when the person stood up and pulled his sopping wet hair from his eyes that Daniel saw who he had bumped into. Cliff Coopersmith. The meanest kid in the entire school.
All of the kids in the hallway took a step back except Molly and Martin. Martin had his head buried in a video game and might have missed the whole thing anyway.
“Do you know how much trouble you’re in, kid?” Cliff asked, jabbing Daniel in the chest with a wet finger.
“I’m really sorry,” Daniel said. “I was just backing up and… and it was an accident.”
“Do you want me to beat you up here or do you want me to beat you up on the playground after school?” Cliff asked. Daniel didn’t like either of those options very much and was about to say so when Martin spoke without looking up from his game.
“I don’t know what you’re so mad about. That’s probably the first bath you’ve had in a month.”
Everyone in the hallway laughed at this which made Cliff even more angry and embarrassed.
Cliff pulled his arm back, preparing to hit Daniel when the janitor, Mr. Strandell, came running by pushing a mop and bucket shouting,
“Out of the way! Out of the way!”
Daniel stepped back along with everyone else. Cliff, however, stood his ground, staring at Daniel.
A second later the yellow mop bucket hit Cliff in the ankle and the filthy mop head smacked him in the face, knocking him down into the water again.
“You shouldn’t lay there, kid.” Mr. Strandell said. “That’s toilet water.”
As the janitor ran on toward the bathroom everyone else ran to their classrooms, leaving Cliff sitting alone in a puddle on the floor.
MEANWHILE… IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PACIFIC OCEAN
In a helicopter high over the Pacific Ocean a Peruvian businessman named Arturo del Rio was gazing down at thousands and thousands of miles of water, looking for something.
“Set us down over there!” Arturo shouted to the pilot.
A few minutes later the helicopter was sitting on the edge of a huge iceberg that was floating in the ocean, drifting along with the current. Arturo hopped out of the helicopter and scanned the horizon.
This iceberg is perfect! Arturo thought to himself.
Arturo and the pilot removed a large wooden crate from the helicopter and set it on the ground. The wooden slats of the crate were removed until all that was left was a large engine with a boat propeller sticking out of the back.
Arturo used a compass to find the correct location, south by southeast. He positioned the engine and dipped the propeller into the water. He strapped everything down to the iceberg, turned the engine on, climbed back into the helicopter with the pilot, and flew away.
Back in the air Arturo looked down and regarded the iceberg.
Even though Peru was on the Pacific Ocean and near the equator, the country didn’t get a lot of rain. This meant that there wasn’t a lot of fresh, clean, delicious water. Arturo had grown up in a small fishing village where they drank the rainwater that fell on their roofs. It wasn’t fresh or clean and it certainly wasn’t delicious.
But Arturo was about to change all of that.
Arturo’s plan was to find an iceberg floating in the Pacific Ocean, strap a motor on it, and simply sail the iceberg right to his front door!
Phase one of his plan had worked perfectly.
All he had to do now was sit back and wait for the iceberg to arrive. And once it did, he would simply melt the ice and bottle the delicious water and live happily ever after.
MEANWHILE… ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ICEBERG
Taangag heard something loud in the distance. It was hard to see across the iceberg because of all the hills and valleys, but there, in the distance, was a helicopter.
I’m saved! Taangag thought to himself.
Only… he wasn’t.
By the time Taangag was able to hike across the hills and valleys to reach the other side of the iceberg, the helicopter had already flown away.
Taangag waved and shouted but no one heard him over the noise of the engine and the turning propeller that was now pushing the iceberg faster and faster, south by southeast.
MEANWHILE… ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ICEBERG
Taangag heard something loud in the distance. It was hard to see across the iceberg because of all the hills and valleys, but there, in the distance, was a helicopter.
I’m saved! Taangag thought to himself.
Only… he wasn’t.
By the time Taangag was able to hike across the hills and valleys to reach the other side of the iceberg, the helicopter had already flown away.
Taangag waved and shouted but no one heard him over the noise of the engine and the turning propeller that was now pushing the iceberg faster and faster, south by southeast.
MEANWHILE… AT MARTIN AND MOLLY’S HOUSE
When Daniel arrived at Martin’s house to hang out, his best friend was doing what he always did… playing video games. Martin was playing “ZT – The Zombie Terrestrial”, a game about an alien spaceship that crashed to earth and was then attacked by zombies, turning the aliens into these weird, undead creatures.
Normally Daniel loved video games too, but the fact was that Martin played these kinds of games so much that he was much better at them. This meant that for Martin, playing video games with Daniel wasn’t much of a challenge. And for Daniel, playing video games with Martin wasn’t much fun.
Molly came into the room and watched aliens blowing things up on the TV screen.
“Gross,” she said. “Hi, Daniel.”
“Hi,” Daniel said.
“Want to go play some lacrosse?”
“I don’t have a stick,” Daniel said. “But I’m saving up. I start a paper route tomorrow.”
“I have an extra,” Molly told him. “They’re girl sticks, though, so they’re a little different.”
“You play lacrosse?”
“I always wanted to but the school doesn’t have a girls’ team. I wrote a letter to the principal but he said it’s just not in the budget.”
So Daniel and Molly went outside and threw around an orange, rubber lacrosse ball in her back yard.
Molly’s sticks were almost identical to boy’s sticks, except that the pocket, where the ball sat, was not as deep. Daniel threw the ball to Molly, who expertly caught it and threw it back.
“You’re really good,” Daniel told her.
“You’re not bad yourself,” she replied.
Daniel wasn’t normally very good at talking to girls, which he never understood because his mother was a girl and he was pretty good at talking to her. He told his mother what he wanted for dinner or what clothes he needed washed, all the time.
After a few moments, as Daniel and Molly passed the ball back and forth, he started to feel awkward about their silence so he struggled for something to say.
“Do you ever think that alien zombies will attack the earth?”
Molly laughed. Daniel laughed too, although he wasn’t sure why. It seemed like a reasonable question.
“Only in video games,” she said. “If aliens were real they’d live billions of light years away, but they’d never come all the way to Earth. It’s too far.”
“Huh,” Daniel said, considering this.
He guessed she was right.
It was silly.
MEANWHILE… BILLIONS OF LIGHT YEARS AWAY ON THE PLANET SPLORGON
Klaxnor stood on a hill above his town, noticing a change in the sun. It was getting bigger… and hotter.
In fact, the entire planet of Splorgon had been heating up for quite a while, but no one could quite agree on what it meant.
As the planet got warmer some people blamed it on pollution, which was partially true. Others blamed it on the natural order of things, which was also partially true.
There were even a small group of scientists who blamed it on the Blortflops, which were large animals that roamed the Splorgon countryside eating grass and pooping. When they weren’t pooping they were farting and it was all the farting, this small group of people claimed, that was causing all of the planet’s problems.
Either way, all of the smart people agreed that the sun was getting larger, and hotter, and was nearing the end of its life cycle and that it would most likely explode in the next few days.
Most of the dumb people, however, didn’t want to do anything because they didn’t really understand how the sun worked and no one could explain it to them well enough because they weren’t very smart. Plus, they wanted to blame someone for the problem but it was hard to blame natural life cycles for anything.
There were even a small group of extremely dumb people who wondered if it was actually the scientists themselves who were farting and trying to blame it on the Blortflops!
Since the dumb people couldn’t agree on whether it was the sun or pollution or farting, they didn’t want to do anything at all.
The problem was that these dumb people were also in charge of running things.
“What if we go to all the trouble of saving the planet only to find that it wasn’t absolutely necessary?” the Splorgon leaders asked.
And so the Splorgon sun got bigger and hotter and closer to exploding each day.
Klaxnor knew that his planet was doomed. But he had a plan.
A plan to save everyone on Splorgon.
MEANWHILE… BILLIONS OF LIGHT YEARS AWAY ON THE PLANET SPLORGON
Klaxnor stood on a hill above his town, noticing a change in the sun. It was getting bigger… and hotter.
In fact, the entire planet of Splorgon had been heating up for quite a while, but no one could quite agree on what it meant.
As the planet got warmer some people blamed it on pollution, which was partially true. Others blamed it on the natural order of things, which was also partially true.
There were even a small group of scientists who blamed it on the Blortflops, which were large animals that roamed the Splorgon countryside eating grass and pooping. When they weren’t pooping they were farting and it was all the farting, this small group of people claimed, that was causing all of the planet’s problems.
Either way, all of the smart people agreed that the sun was getting larger, and hotter, and was nearing the end of its life cycle and that it would most likely explode in the next few days.
Most of the dumb people, however, didn’t want to do anything because they didn’t really understand how the sun worked and no one could explain it to them well enough because they weren’t very smart. Plus, they wanted to blame someone for the problem but it was hard to blame natural life cycles for anything.
There were even a small group of extremely dumb people who wondered if it was actually the scientists themselves who were farting and trying to blame it on the Blortflops!
Since the dumb people couldn’t agree on whether it was the sun or pollution or farting, they didn’t want to do anything at all.
The problem was that these dumb people were also in charge of running things.
“What if we go to all the trouble of saving the planet only to find that it wasn’t absolutely necessary?” the Splorgon leaders asked.
And so the Splorgon sun got bigger and hotter and closer to exploding each day.
Klaxnor knew that his planet was doomed. But he had a plan.
A plan to save everyone on Splorgon.
MEANWHILE… IN SALINAS, CALIFORNIA
Hank Smith walked through the rows and rows of lettuce on his four hundred acre farm. Hank had worked this lettuce farm his entire life, tilling the soil, planting the seeds, watering the fields, chasing deer and rabbits away, harvesting the lettuce and putting it onto trucks bound for grocery stores all over the country.
Hank was getting older and each year it was getting harder and harder to bend over to plant the seeds and harvest the lettuce. His eyesight wasn’t what it used to be either, and when he came upon the deer and rabbits in the field most of the time they startled poor Hank and scared him away.
So he decided that it was time to show his grandson, Nick, how to work the field.
Nick was a good boy and he paid close attention as his grandfather talked about plowing and planting and so on and so forth. But then he had a question that stumped the old farmer.
“Why is it called Iceberg lettuce?” Nick asked.
“Because when you put it in water only ten percent of the lettuce floats above the water, while the rest lies underneath the water. Just like an iceberg.”
This was true, of course, because iceberg lettuce is made up of more than ninety percent water, so most of the lettuce sinks when placed in water. But this was not the real reason iceberg lettuce was called iceberg lettuce at all.
Like most people, Hank had worked his entire life on something that he actually knew very little about. So Nick pulled out his cellphone and looked it up.
As it turned out, it was called iceberg lettuce because when refrigerated railroad cars were first invented, they would pack this very same kind of lettuce in ice and put it on the train to ship to stores and restaurants all over the country. And when people pulled the lettuce out of the crates with all the ice in them it reminded them of little icebergs.
Henry thought it was rude of his grandson to prove him wrong with his phone and his internet and so on and so forth. So instead of training his grandson to take over the family lettuce business, Hank decided to sell the farm and retire to a tropical island.
MEANWHILE… BACK IN LA CROSSE
Lacrosse tryouts weren’t going so well for Daniel.
First there was the fact that he had started his paper route that week and so far he only had three customers, so he didn’t have enough money for a stick yet.
Second, the only stick he could find to use for tryouts was Molly’s and it was a girl’s stick, so all the other boys on his team had been making fun of him.
And third, Cliff Coopersmith was also trying out for the team and he was making things harder for Daniel then they needed to be.
Cliff was able to do this because for most of the drills they were paired up together.
Instead of throwing the ball so Daniel could catch it, Cliff threw it at him really hard trying to hit him or he threw it over his head so Daniel couldn’t catch it at all.
Each time Daniel didn’t catch a pass Cliff would shout, “Excuse me ma’am, but you dropped your ball!” and then laugh and laugh and laugh, making fun of the girl’s stick Daniel was playing with.
Cliff’s friend Butch was also trying out for the team so each time Cliff laughed there followed another laugh, like a high-pitched hyena bark, from across the field.
And it was this sound that made the coach look up every time Daniel flinched to avoid being hit or when he ran to catch a ball that sailed over his head. Daniel would miss a ball, hear a laugh, a hyena bark, and then see the coach making notes and shaking his head.
Luckily for Daniel when it came time to practice shooting drills, things started looking up.
Daniel was the best shot on the team, scoring overhand, underhand, and even sidearm. When the coach asked the players to put the ball in the upper right corner or lower left corner of the goal Daniel was the only player who could hit the target every time.
“Coopersmith, you’re up!” shouted the coach.
A few seconds later Cliff stepped into the goal wearing goalie pads and carrying a much larger stick.
“Line up to shoot,” the coach said.
As the players lined up Cliff shouted, “Ladies first,” to Daniel.
Daniel stepped up and shot, and shot, and shot again. He didn’t miss once. With each shot Cliff got angrier and angrier but the coach was now nodding his head instead of shaking it. And he was smiling while writing in his notebook.
At the end of the practice the coach gathered everyone into a group.
“You all did pretty good today, but because of budget cuts we only have eleven spots available on the team. So I’m going to look over my notes and make up a roster, which I’ll post in the main hallway outside Principal Miller’s office next week.”
Daniel went home knowing that part of the tryout went horribly bad while part of the tryout went amazingly well. He just hoped that the parts he did well were enough for him to make the team.
MEANWHILE… IN THE PACIFIC OCEAN
Ed Hazelwood had been captain of the cargo ship Rusty Bucket as long as he could remember, which wasn’t saying much since he had amnesia, which is a fancy way of saying you can’t remember anything. Ed got amnesia after bumping his head when he had crashed his ship into a small island off the coast of Hawaii a few years earlier and now couldn’t remember anything for more than a few minutes.
In fact, if his crew hadn’t always called him “Captain”, he most likely would have forgotten that he was even on a boat or what he was doing there. So he mostly just walked around and nodded to everyone and told them to keep up the good work.
For their part the crew rarely asked him any questions so life was usually pretty uneventful aboard the Rusty Bucket.
Usually.
When he walked onto the bridge, which is a fancy term for where all of the controls and steering wheels and radar equipment are, Ed Hazelwood heard a loud beeping. The loud beeping was drowned out by the sound of loud horns blaring all over the ship.
“Someone should really turn off all these loud beeps and blaring horns!” he shouted over the loud bleeps and blaring horns.
“Aye, captain,” one of the men on the bridge said. A few seconds later everything was quiet once more.
“What’s wrong with my eye?” asked the captain, looking at his reflection in a mirror.
“Nothing, sir. ‘Aye’ means ‘yes’.”
“Then why don’t you just say, ‘yes’?” the captain asked, without waiting for an answer. “What was all that noise, anyway?”
“Emergency sirens, sir. We’re on a collision course with an iceberg, straight ahead.”
Ed looked out of the front window and, sure enough, in the distance a huge, gleaming, white iceberg was floating in the water.
“But it’s so far away,” Ed said. “Just steer around it.”
“Captain, only ten percent of the iceberg floats above the water, while the rest lies underneath the water. Just like iceberg lettuce.”
Ed had no idea what iceberg lettuce was or what the other percentage of the iceberg was under water (hint: if 10% is above water, then that means 90% is under water, which means almost all of it, especially the pointy, jagged bits that can sink ships) but since this person had called him “Captain” he decided to make a decision.
“Turn... left.” Ed said.
“Do you mean to port?” one of the other men in the room asked.
“There’s a port?” Ed asked.
“No, sir. Port means left on a boat. And starboard means right.”
“How is anyone supposed to remember that?”
“Port has four letters, sir, just like the word left. By process of elimination starboard must mean right.”
“I see,” Ed said. “So turn the front part of the ship to port.”
“You mean fore, sir?”
“Four what?” Ed asked, getting slightly irritated with all of the questions.
“The front of the ship is called the fore. The back part is called the aft.”
“Well how is—” Ed started before his crew cut in as the beeps began beeping and the sirens began sirening once more.
“Fore means the ‘forward’ part of the ship and aft means ‘after’, captain.” The men were sweating and looking nervously now as they saw the iceberg getting closer.
“Okay, then. Turn the fore of the ship to port.”
One of the men grabbed the wheel and turned hard.
“We’re not going to make it captain.”
“
Maybe not,” the captain said. “But at least now I know why they call it iceberg lettuce.”
And then a curious thing happened. While the Rusty Bucket was turning to port the iceberg started turning to starboard. This, of course, is not something that usually happens. Usually icebergs float along with the ocean current which, more or less, goes in one direction.
This iceberg, though, was definitely turning.
A few moments later the ship and its crew passed by the iceberg, avoiding each other. The crew still wasn’t sure what had happened when, on the aft of the iceberg, they saw what had saved them. A man in a fur coat was standing next to a propeller, using a bright orange string from an unwoven pair of orange mittens to steer the propeller, turning the iceberg away from the oncoming ship.
“That Eskimo just saved us!” the captain shouted as he waved.
“Actually, captain,” said a crew member, “I believe he’s an Inuit. The term Eskimo means ‘raw meat eater’ and it’s a bit derogatory.
“Derogatory?”
“It’s a fancy way of saying that it’s insulting. It’s sort of like the way you call people who live on land, ‘landlubbers’. It’s an unfair generalization that isn’t true of most people and is therefore insulting.”
“I thought it meant ‘land lover’,” the captain said.
“No. A ‘lubber’ is someone who is clumsy or stupid. So when you call someone a ‘land-lubber’ you are calling them someone who lives on land and is dumb.”
“Huh. Thanks, Jimmy,” the captain said, even though the crew member’s name was not Jimmy, which was perhaps even more insulting than actually calling him an insulting name.
The rest of the crew started to cheer but their celebration was cut off by the sounds of more beeps and sirens.
The captain looked and saw something oddly familiar.
“What’s that?” he asked.
“A tiny island, sir, dead ahead.”
“Huh,” was all the captain could think to say, since they didn’t have time to turn to port or starboard before hitting the small piece of land.
The Rusty Bucket slammed into the rocks. Ed smacked his face on the windshield. The mighty ship broke in two.
In seconds all of the cargo spilled out into the ocean. Luckily the contents weren’t dangerous. It was mostly sports equipment from Chaiwan that they were taking to the United States.
As Ed and his crew sat stranded on the tiny island they watched the iceberg sail off into the distance.
It reminded Ed of the first time he had crashed into an island and had lost his memory. It also reminded him of when he had gone to boat school and had failed his first test. There was only one question on the test. It was, “What Shouldn’t You Do?” and the answer was supposed to be “Crash Your Boat”. Instead, he had put, “Be A Nincompoop”, which was also good advice, but not the correct answer.
Maybe that’s why he had crashed into that island years ago. And that’s when Ed noticed that this island was that island. He had crashed into the same island twice!
That’s when Ed realized that he could remember. The second crash into the same island had brought his memory back.
As Ed and his crew watched a box of lacrosse sticks floating by he thought of how funny life could be sometimes. He also thought that they were stranded on a tiny island with no food and would all most likely die. He also thought, “You know what, I’m a pretty lousy captain.”
And then he saw the iceberg do something else that icebergs never do.
This iceberg was turning around.
MEANWHILE… IN THE PACIFIC OCEAN
Ed Hazelwood had been captain of the cargo ship Rusty Bucket as long as he could remember, which wasn’t saying much since he had amnesia, which is a fancy way of saying you can’t remember anything. Ed got amnesia after bumping his head when he had crashed his ship into a small island off the coast of Hawaii a few years earlier and now couldn’t remember anything for more than a few minutes.
In fact, if his crew hadn’t always called him “Captain”, he most likely would have forgotten that he was even on a boat or what he was doing there. So he mostly just walked around and nodded to everyone and told them to keep up the good work.
For their part the crew rarely asked him any questions so life was usually pretty uneventful aboard the Rusty Bucket.
Usually.
When he walked onto the bridge, which is a fancy term for where all of the controls and steering wheels and radar equipment are, Ed Hazelwood heard a loud beeping. The loud beeping was drowned out by the sound of loud horns blaring all over the ship.
“Someone should really turn off all these loud beeps and blaring horns!” he shouted over the loud bleeps and blaring horns.
“Aye, captain,” one of the men on the bridge said. A few seconds later everything was quiet once more.
“What’s wrong with my eye?” asked the captain, looking at his reflection in a mirror.
“Nothing, sir. ‘Aye’ means ‘yes’.”
“Then why don’t you just say, ‘yes’?” the captain asked, without waiting for an answer. “What was all that noise, anyway?”
“Emergency sirens, sir. We’re on a collision course with an iceberg, straight ahead.”
Ed looked out of the front window and, sure enough, in the distance a huge, gleaming, white iceberg was floating in the water.
“But it’s so far away,” Ed said. “Just steer around it.”
“Captain, only ten percent of the iceberg floats above the water, while the rest lies underneath the water. Just like iceberg lettuce.”
Ed had no idea what iceberg lettuce was or what the other percentage of the iceberg was under water (hint: if 10% is above water, then that means 90% is under water, which means almost all of it, especially the pointy, jagged bits that can sink ships) but since this person had called him “Captain” he decided to make a decision.
“Turn... left.” Ed said.
“Do you mean to port?” one of the other men in the room asked.
“There’s a port?” Ed asked.
“No, sir. Port means left on a boat. And starboard means right.”
“How is anyone supposed to remember that?”
“Port has four letters, sir, just like the word left. By process of elimination starboard must mean right.”
“I see,” Ed said. “So turn the front part of the ship to port.”
“You mean fore, sir?”
“Four what?” Ed asked, getting slightly irritated with all of the questions.
“The front of the ship is called the fore. The back part is called the aft.”
“Well how is—” Ed started before his crew cut in as the beeps began beeping and the sirens began sirening once more.
“Fore means the ‘forward’ part of the ship and aft means ‘after’, captain.” The men were sweating and looking nervously now as they saw the iceberg getting closer.
“Okay, then. Turn the fore of the ship to port.”
One of the men grabbed the wheel and turned hard.
“We’re not going to make it captain.”
“
Maybe not,” the captain said. “But at least now I know why they call it iceberg lettuce.”
And then a curious thing happened. While the Rusty Bucket was turning to port the iceberg started turning to starboard. This, of course, is not something that usually happens. Usually icebergs float along with the ocean current which, more or less, goes in one direction.
This iceberg, though, was definitely turning.
A few moments later the ship and its crew passed by the iceberg, avoiding each other. The crew still wasn’t sure what had happened when, on the aft of the iceberg, they saw what had saved them. A man in a fur coat was standing next to a propeller, using a bright orange string from an unwoven pair of orange mittens to steer the propeller, turning the iceberg away from the oncoming ship.
“That Eskimo just saved us!” the captain shouted as he waved.
“Actually, captain,” said a crew member, “I believe he’s an Inuit. The term Eskimo means ‘raw meat eater’ and it’s a bit derogatory.
“Derogatory?”
“It’s a fancy way of saying that it’s insulting. It’s sort of like the way you call people who live on land, ‘landlubbers’. It’s an unfair generalization that isn’t true of most people and is therefore insulting.”
“I thought it meant ‘land lover’,” the captain said.
“No. A ‘lubber’ is someone who is clumsy or stupid. So when you call someone a ‘land-lubber’ you are calling them someone who lives on land and is dumb.”
“Huh. Thanks, Jimmy,” the captain said, even though the crew member’s name was not Jimmy, which was perhaps even more insulting than actually calling him an insulting name.
The rest of the crew started to cheer but their celebration was cut off by the sounds of more beeps and sirens.
The captain looked and saw something oddly familiar.
“What’s that?” he asked.
“A tiny island, sir, dead ahead.”
“Huh,” was all the captain could think to say, since they didn’t have time to turn to port or starboard before hitting the small piece of land.
The Rusty Bucket slammed into the rocks. Ed smacked his face on the windshield. The mighty ship broke in two.
In seconds all of the cargo spilled out into the ocean. Luckily the contents weren’t dangerous. It was mostly sports equipment from Chaiwan that they were taking to the United States.
As Ed and his crew sat stranded on the tiny island they watched the iceberg sail off into the distance.
It reminded Ed of the first time he had crashed into an island and had lost his memory. It also reminded him of when he had gone to boat school and had failed his first test. There was only one question on the test. It was, “What Shouldn’t You Do?” and the answer was supposed to be “Crash Your Boat”. Instead, he had put, “Be A Nincompoop”, which was also good advice, but not the correct answer.
Maybe that’s why he had crashed into that island years ago. And that’s when Ed noticed that this island was that island. He had crashed into the same island twice!
That’s when Ed realized that he could remember. The second crash into the same island had brought his memory back.
As Ed and his crew watched a box of lacrosse sticks floating by he thought of how funny life could be sometimes. He also thought that they were stranded on a tiny island with no food and would all most likely die. He also thought, “You know what, I’m a pretty lousy captain.”
And then he saw the iceberg do something else that icebergs never do.
This iceberg was turning around.
MEANWHILE… BACK IN LA CROSSE
Daniel normally woke up around seven in the morning to brush his teeth, get dressed, have breakfast, and walk to school.
Today, though, Daniel got up at six in the morning, when it was still dark outside, in order to do his chores to get his allowance money and to pick up the newspapers and deliver them for his new paper route.
So far he had only signed up three people who wanted the newspaper, and that was mostly because his grandparents and two aunts lived in the same neighborhood.
Everyone else thought that the news was too depressing and didn’t want to get a daily reminder of it.
“If you think positively then positive things will happen!” they all told him. Daniel thought this was nonsense since things happened to you whether you thought about them or not. But he did agree that not everything that happened to you was positive, so maybe thinking good thoughts would at least make you feel better about them.
After a week of chores and newspaper deliveries Daniel collected all of his earnings and realized he only had half of the money he needed to buy his lacrosse stick.
And if he couldn’t buy his lacrosse stick his parents weren’t going to buy the rest of the equipment he needed.
The coach hadn’t posted the list of names of who had made the team yet. Daniel hoped he would be on the list but was also worried that if he did make it on the team he might not have enough money or time to get a stick.
Daniel thought of the advice his neighbors had given him. Maybe it was time to start thinking positively.
Daniel cleared his mind and pictured himself with a new lacrosse stick. He imagined himself making the lacrosse team. He even saw himself scoring the winning goal!
Perhaps it was the positive thoughts that led to such positive feelings, or maybe it was his positive feelings that gave him such positive thoughts, but either way Daniel was confident that he would reach his goal, he would get his stick, and he would score the winning goal at the big game.
MEANWHILE… BACK IN LA CROSSE
Daniel normally woke up around seven in the morning to brush his teeth, get dressed, have breakfast, and walk to school.
Today, though, Daniel got up at six in the morning, when it was still dark outside, in order to do his chores to get his allowance money and to pick up the newspapers and deliver them for his new paper route.
So far he had only signed up three people who wanted the newspaper, and that was mostly because his grandparents and two aunts lived in the same neighborhood.
Everyone else thought that the news was too depressing and didn’t want to get a daily reminder of it.
“If you think positively then positive things will happen!” they all told him. Daniel thought this was nonsense since things happened to you whether you thought about them or not. But he did agree that not everything that happened to you was positive, so maybe thinking good thoughts would at least make you feel better about them.
After a week of chores and newspaper deliveries Daniel collected all of his earnings and realized he only had half of the money he needed to buy his lacrosse stick.
And if he couldn’t buy his lacrosse stick his parents weren’t going to buy the rest of the equipment he needed.
The coach hadn’t posted the list of names of who had made the team yet. Daniel hoped he would be on the list but was also worried that if he did make it on the team he might not have enough money or time to get a stick.
Daniel thought of the advice his neighbors had given him. Maybe it was time to start thinking positively.
Daniel cleared his mind and pictured himself with a new lacrosse stick. He imagined himself making the lacrosse team. He even saw himself scoring the winning goal!
Perhaps it was the positive thoughts that led to such positive feelings, or maybe it was his positive feelings that gave him such positive thoughts, but either way Daniel was confident that he would reach his goal, he would get his stick, and he would score the winning goal at the big game.
MEANWHILE… ON A BEACH IN OREGON
Delbert McMann was old. And because he was old, he had a lot of junk around his house that he had picked up over his many, many years.
Because of this his kids and grandkids assumed that he liked collecting junk even though most of it was knick-knacks and doo-dads and useless stuff that his kids and grandkids had given him on holidays and birthdays in the first place.
So last month, for his birthday, they had given him a metal detector with which he could possibly find more junk on the beach near his house.
The thing was, Delbert didn’t actually like junk. In fact, he wished that he had more money so he could buy a bigger house, or a storage shed, to keep from tripping over all of his junk. But so far life hadn’t worked out for him in that way.
His metal detector worked fine but so far the only coins he found were pennies, mostly from 1943, that were sitting in a jar on his bedroom dresser, adding up to three dollars and fourteen cents. Other than that he’d mostly found bottle caps which he had glued onto a board in the shape of Leonardo da Vinci’s famous painting The Mona Lisa.
So he wasn’t exactly striking it rich.
Until today.
Delbert was on his usual early morning walk, sweeping back and forth over the sand with his metal detector. He was listening to the faint clicks and whistles from the small meter on the box near the handle. The clicks and whistles told him that metal was near. And that was when Delbert found something. Something big.
Half buried in the sand was a lacrosse stick that had washed up on shore.
“Now there’s something you don’t see every day,” Delbert said to himself since he was the only person on the beach.
After digging out the stick he wiped it off. It looked just fine to him.
Delbert didn’t play lacrosse and so he didn’t notice that the shoe string holding the stick’s netting had been knotted incorrectly. Not that it would have mattered to him anyway.
Setting the stick down he looked around some more. Soon he found some soaked soccer balls, soggy running shoes, and a crate full of rusty whistles.
Delbert knew that salt water corroded metal, which is a fancy way of saying that if something is in the ocean long enough, the salt water will make the metal rust and fall apart. But he also knew that if he polished everything up it would look just fine… for a while. At least long enough to sell it for a good price.
The last thing Delbert found on the beach that morning was a gigantic scoreboard.
“This,” Delbert said to himself, “will make me rich.”
And with that Delbert hauled everything he had found on the beach back to his house where he started wiping everything down and cleaning everything up.
He then took pictures of all the water-logged sports equipment and posted them for sale on the internet.
He got his first two emails a few minutes later.
MEANWHILE… ON A BEACH IN OREGON
Delbert McMann was old. And because he was old, he had a lot of junk around his house that he had picked up over his many, many years.
Because of this his kids and grandkids assumed that he liked collecting junk even though most of it was knick-knacks and doo-dads and useless stuff that his kids and grandkids had given him on holidays and birthdays in the first place.
So last month, for his birthday, they had given him a metal detector with which he could possibly find more junk on the beach near his house.
The thing was, Delbert didn’t actually like junk. In fact, he wished that he had more money so he could buy a bigger house, or a storage shed, to keep from tripping over all of his junk. But so far life hadn’t worked out for him in that way.
His metal detector worked fine but so far the only coins he found were pennies, mostly from 1943, that were sitting in a jar on his bedroom dresser, adding up to three dollars and fourteen cents. Other than that he’d mostly found bottle caps which he had glued onto a board in the shape of Leonardo da Vinci’s famous painting The Mona Lisa.
So he wasn’t exactly striking it rich.
Until today.
Delbert was on his usual early morning walk, sweeping back and forth over the sand with his metal detector. He was listening to the faint clicks and whistles from the small meter on the box near the handle. The clicks and whistles told him that metal was near. And that was when Delbert found something. Something big.
Half buried in the sand was a lacrosse stick that had washed up on shore.
“Now there’s something you don’t see every day,” Delbert said to himself since he was the only person on the beach.
After digging out the stick he wiped it off. It looked just fine to him.
Delbert didn’t play lacrosse and so he didn’t notice that the shoe string holding the stick’s netting had been knotted incorrectly. Not that it would have mattered to him anyway.
Setting the stick down he looked around some more. Soon he found some soaked soccer balls, soggy running shoes, and a crate full of rusty whistles.
Delbert knew that salt water corroded metal, which is a fancy way of saying that if something is in the ocean long enough, the salt water will make the metal rust and fall apart. But he also knew that if he polished everything up it would look just fine… for a while. At least long enough to sell it for a good price.
The last thing Delbert found on the beach that morning was a gigantic scoreboard.
“This,” Delbert said to himself, “will make me rich.”
And with that Delbert hauled everything he had found on the beach back to his house where he started wiping everything down and cleaning everything up.
He then took pictures of all the water-logged sports equipment and posted them for sale on the internet.
He got his first two emails a few minutes later.
MEANWHILE… BACK IN LA CROSSE
Daniel was desperate to find a lacrosse stick. The team roster hadn’t been posted yet but if his name was on it then he’d need a stick for practice the very next day.
So far he was only half way to his goal but even with his chores and newspaper route it would take him weeks to save up enough money.
Daniel had been on the internet all morning, thinking positively and clicking on different discount sports equipment sites looking for something, anything that might work.
And then he found it.
The site was called Delbert’s Discount Deals and there, underneath a slightly rusty scoreboard and some highly polished whistles was a single lacrosse stick.
It was perfect. And the price, with shipping, was the exact amount Daniel had saved up so far!
He considered this a sign that the universe wanted him to purchase this stick.
Daniel called out to his mother who was three rooms over and really didn’t like shouting in the house. But she still came to find out what all the fuss was about. She took Daniel’s money he had saved.
“It should be here in three days,” his mother told him as she finished ordering the lacrosse stick.
Daniel was excited and relieved. Now all he needed to do was wait and see if he made the team!
MEANWHILE… BACK IN LA CROSSE
Daniel was desperate to find a lacrosse stick. The team roster hadn’t been posted yet but if his name was on it then he’d need a stick for practice the very next day.
So far he was only half way to his goal but even with his chores and newspaper route it would take him weeks to save up enough money.
Daniel had been on the internet all morning, thinking positively and clicking on different discount sports equipment sites looking for something, anything that might work.
And then he found it.
The site was called Delbert’s Discount Deals and there, underneath a slightly rusty scoreboard and some highly polished whistles was a single lacrosse stick.
It was perfect. And the price, with shipping, was the exact amount Daniel had saved up so far!
He considered this a sign that the universe wanted him to purchase this stick.
Daniel called out to his mother who was three rooms over and really didn’t like shouting in the house. But she still came to find out what all the fuss was about. She took Daniel’s money he had saved.
“It should be here in three days,” his mother told him as she finished ordering the lacrosse stick.
Daniel was excited and relieved. Now all he needed to do was wait and see if he made the team!
MEANWHILE… IN THE PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE
Like most schools across the country North Lacrosse Elementary School was going through budget cuts. The reason for this was that the people who were in charge of most of the budgets hadn’t really learned much in school in the first place and, in the second place, they had been the kind of kids who had been picked on a lot on the playground.
Because of this they usually spent their state budgets on a lot of things besides schools, like prisons for people who had once picked on them on the playground.
So this led to a cycle of less money for the schools so the students had less to learn with, which made them worse students who later in life either cut more budgets for schools or went to prison.
Principal George Miller was stuck between trying to deal with budget cuts and trying to give the students in his school as much as he could afford, which usually wasn’t much.
Today, however, was his lucky day.
Principal Miller had been online buying discount plastic forks for the school lunches when he saw an ad for Delbert’s Discount Deals. And there, right on his computer screen, was a beautiful new scoreboard.
“Now there’s something you don’t see every day!” he said to himself since there was no one else in the office.
North La Crosse Elementary needed a new scoreboard because last year a family of birds had made a nest on top of their old scoreboard. As it turned out these specific birds were quite rare. So when the school janitor, Mr. Strandell, had tried to take the nest down so people could actually tell what the score of a game was, a group of bird lovers came and protested.
They had big signs and megaphones and instead of shouting they made a bunch of bird noises that, Principal Miller assumed, were the kind made by the rare birds sitting on his scoreboard.
After a few weeks of this the people who were in charge of cutting school budgets decided to cut down the sign and have it moved to a bird sanctuary, which is a fancy way of saying a place where you aren’t allowed to bother the birds even though they had no problem bothering you when they were camped out on your scoreboard.
North La Crosse Elementary only had a few sports teams left and Principal Miller wasn’t fooling himself. The Cheese Curd and Bad-mitten teams were more like clubs since they had to provide their own cheese and yarn and knitting needles.
But the lacrosse team was special because it was one of the last sports teams at the school. Plus, the name of the town was “La Crosse” so how silly would it be not to have a lacrosse team.
It would be like not having a cheese curd club in Wisconsin or not having a table tennis team in Pingpong, which was a city in Chaiwan known for its table tennis.
After a few clicks on the computer, Principal Miller purchased the scoreboard and had it delivered to the school.
The problem was, Dilbert’s Discount Deals was in Oregon, and that was a long way away from La Crosse, Wisconsin. This meant that it would cost a lot to have the scoreboard shipped. And this meant that he was over budget again.
But Principal Miller had an idea.
To save money he could cut the entire lacrosse season down to just one game. One huge, enormous, crowd-pleasing game.
“We’ll call it, ‘The Big Game,’” he said to himself, quite pleased at having once again saved the school’s budget.
MEANWHILE… IN THE PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE
Like most schools across the country North Lacrosse Elementary School was going through budget cuts. The reason for this was that the people who were in charge of most of the budgets hadn’t really learned much in school in the first place and, in the second place, they had been the kind of kids who had been picked on a lot on the playground.
Because of this they usually spent their state budgets on a lot of things besides schools, like prisons for people who had once picked on them on the playground.
So this led to a cycle of less money for the schools so the students had less to learn with, which made them worse students who later in life either cut more budgets for schools or went to prison.
Principal George Miller was stuck between trying to deal with budget cuts and trying to give the students in his school as much as he could afford, which usually wasn’t much.
Today, however, was his lucky day.
Principal Miller had been online buying discount plastic forks for the school lunches when he saw an ad for Delbert’s Discount Deals. And there, right on his computer screen, was a beautiful new scoreboard.
“Now there’s something you don’t see every day!” he said to himself since there was no one else in the office.
North La Crosse Elementary needed a new scoreboard because last year a family of birds had made a nest on top of their old scoreboard. As it turned out these specific birds were quite rare. So when the school janitor, Mr. Strandell, had tried to take the nest down so people could actually tell what the score of a game was, a group of bird lovers came and protested.
They had big signs and megaphones and instead of shouting they made a bunch of bird noises that, Principal Miller assumed, were the kind made by the rare birds sitting on his scoreboard.
After a few weeks of this the people who were in charge of cutting school budgets decided to cut down the sign and have it moved to a bird sanctuary, which is a fancy way of saying a place where you aren’t allowed to bother the birds even though they had no problem bothering you when they were camped out on your scoreboard.
North La Crosse Elementary only had a few sports teams left and Principal Miller wasn’t fooling himself. The Cheese Curd and Bad-mitten teams were more like clubs since they had to provide their own cheese and yarn and knitting needles.
But the lacrosse team was special because it was one of the last sports teams at the school. Plus, the name of the town was “La Crosse” so how silly would it be not to have a lacrosse team.
It would be like not having a cheese curd club in Wisconsin or not having a table tennis team in Pingpong, which was a city in Chaiwan known for its table tennis.
After a few clicks on the computer, Principal Miller purchased the scoreboard and had it delivered to the school.
The problem was, Dilbert’s Discount Deals was in Oregon, and that was a long way away from La Crosse, Wisconsin. This meant that it would cost a lot to have the scoreboard shipped. And this meant that he was over budget again.
But Principal Miller had an idea.
To save money he could cut the entire lacrosse season down to just one game. One huge, enormous, crowd-pleasing game.
“We’ll call it, ‘The Big Game,’” he said to himself, quite pleased at having once again saved the school’s budget.
MEANWHILE… ON PLANET SPLORGON
The sun was getting bigger and warmer as Klaxnor stood on a hill looking out over his home and the Splorgon Sea in the distance.
Klaxnor had a plan. A plan to save everyone on his planet. He had presented this plan to the Splorgon Senate, which is a fancy way of saying the people who were in charge of telling you why your idea wasn’t a very good one while not providing any good ideas of their own.
They laughed at Klaxnor’s idea and then at the notion that the planet was heating up at all.
“The planet’s not getting warmer, the sun is,” one Splorgon Senator shouted.
“Ridiculous,” said another. “The sun is getting bigger, which is making it closer, which is making it hotter.”
“Nonsense,” said another. “If the sun is getting bigger then we just need to make the moon bigger and everything will return to normal.”
All of these comments were, of course, completely beside the point. It didn’t really matter what the cause was. The effect was the same. Splorgon was doomed.
So without any approval or assistance Klaxnor took a giant rocket ship engine and strapped it to the side of the planet. Firing the rocket up, the huge engine pushed the planet away from the sun, and out past the Ploofnark asteroid belt and beyond the many moons of Gorx.
When the planet was nearing the edge of the Splorgon solar system a curious thing happened. Their sun actually exploded in a furious, yellow blaze of hydrogen, helium and tiny, teeny sun bits!
With nowhere else to go, Klaxnor’s plan had to work. His idea was to move the entire planet of Splorgon to another sun and gently guide it into an orbit where they could all live happily ever after. Or at least where they could live without burning up.
But which sun should they move to?
Klaxnor wasn’t sure and hadn’t had time to do the necessary research. So he took a few of his friends from his bowling team, got in a rocket ship, and headed off for the nearest sun, which was a billion miles away.
This sun had nine planets circling around it, although the last planet was hardly more than an asteroid or, if one were being generous, a dwarf planet.
Either way, there was enough room in this far away solar system to comfortably park the planet of Splorgon if they just removed the third planet closest to that sun.
Once this planet was destroyed, Splorgon would be saved and Klaxnor and his entire bowling team would be heroes.
So off Klaxnor flew in his space ship to secure their new sun and destroy its third planet.
MEANWHILE… ON PLANET SPLORGON
The sun was getting bigger and warmer as Klaxnor stood on a hill looking out over his home and the Splorgon Sea in the distance.
Klaxnor had a plan. A plan to save everyone on his planet. He had presented this plan to the Splorgon Senate, which is a fancy way of saying the people who were in charge of telling you why your idea wasn’t a very good one while not providing any good ideas of their own.
They laughed at Klaxnor’s idea and then at the notion that the planet was heating up at all.
“The planet’s not getting warmer, the sun is,” one Splorgon Senator shouted.
“Ridiculous,” said another. “The sun is getting bigger, which is making it closer, which is making it hotter.”
“Nonsense,” said another. “If the sun is getting bigger then we just need to make the moon bigger and everything will return to normal.”
All of these comments were, of course, completely beside the point. It didn’t really matter what the cause was. The effect was the same. Splorgon was doomed.
So without any approval or assistance Klaxnor took a giant rocket ship engine and strapped it to the side of the planet. Firing the rocket up, the huge engine pushed the planet away from the sun, and out past the Ploofnark asteroid belt and beyond the many moons of Gorx.
When the planet was nearing the edge of the Splorgon solar system a curious thing happened. Their sun actually exploded in a furious, yellow blaze of hydrogen, helium and tiny, teeny sun bits!
With nowhere else to go, Klaxnor’s plan had to work. His idea was to move the entire planet of Splorgon to another sun and gently guide it into an orbit where they could all live happily ever after. Or at least where they could live without burning up.
But which sun should they move to?
Klaxnor wasn’t sure and hadn’t had time to do the necessary research. So he took a few of his friends from his bowling team, got in a rocket ship, and headed off for the nearest sun, which was a billion miles away.
This sun had nine planets circling around it, although the last planet was hardly more than an asteroid or, if one were being generous, a dwarf planet.
Either way, there was enough room in this far away solar system to comfortably park the planet of Splorgon if they just removed the third planet closest to that sun.
Once this planet was destroyed, Splorgon would be saved and Klaxnor and his entire bowling team would be heroes.
So off Klaxnor flew in his space ship to secure their new sun and destroy its third planet.
MEANWHILE… BACK IN LA CROSSE
When the last school bell of the day rang Daniel walked down the main hallway along with everyone else, making his way toward the front door.
As he was shuffling along with hundreds of kids, among all the noise and confusion Daniel saw something… two somethings actually… bright and white and roughly the size and shape of notebook paper taped to the wall.
At the top of one sheet it read, “Cheese Curd Club Roster”.
Below this title were the names of the kids who had been selected for the Cheese Curd team. Daniel noticed that Molly’s name was on the list.
At the top of the second sheet it read, “Lacrosse Team Roster”.
And below this there were eleven names. Daniel was disheartened to see that Cliff Coopersmith was on the list. And his friend Butch was right there next to him.
As Daniel got to number eight and nine he was starting to lose hope. Number ten was someone whose name he didn’t even recognize.
And then there was number eleven.
There, on paper, right below the others, was the name Daniel Pantsback.
He had made it! He was on the team!
Daniel was so excited he could hardly contain himself as he ran out the front door and headed for home.
And as if this day wasn’t going well enough, when Daniel got home there was a long, cardboard box on his front steps addressed to him from a place called, “Delbert’s Discount Deals.”
Daniel carefully opened the box and there, inside, was a brand new silver lacrosse stick with a white head and intricate white netting,
Daniel thought that it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, and immediately finished his homework before running over to Molly and Martin’s house to tell them, and show them, the good news.
MEANWHILE… BACK IN LA CROSSE
When the last school bell of the day rang Daniel walked down the main hallway along with everyone else, making his way toward the front door.
As he was shuffling along with hundreds of kids, among all the noise and confusion Daniel saw something… two somethings actually… bright and white and roughly the size and shape of notebook paper taped to the wall.
At the top of one sheet it read, “Cheese Curd Club Roster”.
Below this title were the names of the kids who had been selected for the Cheese Curd team. Daniel noticed that Molly’s name was on the list.
At the top of the second sheet it read, “Lacrosse Team Roster”.
And below this there were eleven names. Daniel was disheartened to see that Cliff Coopersmith was on the list. And his friend Butch was right there next to him.
As Daniel got to number eight and nine he was starting to lose hope. Number ten was someone whose name he didn’t even recognize.
And then there was number eleven.
There, on paper, right below the others, was the name Daniel Pantsback.
He had made it! He was on the team!
Daniel was so excited he could hardly contain himself as he ran out the front door and headed for home.
And as if this day wasn’t going well enough, when Daniel got home there was a long, cardboard box on his front steps addressed to him from a place called, “Delbert’s Discount Deals.”
Daniel carefully opened the box and there, inside, was a brand new silver lacrosse stick with a white head and intricate white netting,
Daniel thought that it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, and immediately finished his homework before running over to Molly and Martin’s house to tell them, and show them, the good news.
PART TWO
In which Daniel gets suspended from the lacrosse team, aliens plot
the destruction of Earth, we learn how cheese curds are made,
and an Inuit far from home continues his amazing adventure.
In which Daniel gets suspended from the lacrosse team, aliens plot
the destruction of Earth, we learn how cheese curds are made,
and an Inuit far from home continues his amazing adventure.
IN DETENTION
It had been a few weeks since the Lacrosse Team Roster had been posted and while the practices were going well and the Big Game was coming up, a few weeks was a long time for Cliff Coopersmith not to get into trouble.
It was just his nature.
Cliff wanted someone to pull a prank on, since pranks were almost always funny and rarely resulted in anything worse than a detention.
The first thing Cliff needed was a target. And the only person who was really bothering him at the moment was Daniel Pantsback. Daniel had barely made the lacrosse team but in the last few weeks had been working really hard at practice and walking to and from school and now, next to Cliff, he was the best player on the team.
Plus, Daniel was apparently a pretty good student, getting A’s and B’s on almost all of his assignments, which made Cliff look bad since he did not.
Cliff usually failed most of his assignments and the reason for this was because he never put any effort into his school work. At least nowhere near as much effort as he did playing lacrosse or pulling pranks.
So Cliff had an idea.
A bad idea.
“If Daniel gets an F and I get a D, I’ll look smarter than him,” Cliff thought.
It wasn’t a very logical way to think but that was the way Cliff’s mind worked.
So that afternoon when he was in detention for starting a food fight in the cafeteria, Cliff asked the teacher if there was anything he might do to be helpful, instead of sitting quietly with his hands folded for two hours.
The teacher was Mrs. Norris and Cliff had never had her as a teacher but she seemed really nice. Really, really nice. And Cliff knew that the nicer the teacher was, the less suspecting they were of not-nice kids like Cliff.
He had noticed that she was trying to grade a bunch of tests by hand. But these tests were the kind where you fill in the a, b, c, or d bubble with a number two pencil.
Because most of the important state tests were this kind of bubble test, and because of budget cuts, the principal had changed every test in the school to this kind of test. He had also found a really cheap scanner that could read the penciled-in bubbles really quickly, saving the teachers a lot of time in grading these tests.
Cliff realized that Mrs. Norris would be using the scanner if she had the time, which she currently did not because she had to sit in detention, watching over Cliff.
Which gave him an idea.
A bad idea.
“Mrs. Norris,” Cliff said, “I feel really bad that you have to sit here for my detention. Since you won’t let me leave early, can I at least help you with something? Anything?”
Cliff knew there was a risk that she might ask him remove the chewed gum wads from under the desks or empty the garbage, but it was a risk he was willing to take.
Mrs. Norris thought about it for a moment and then said, “Would you mind taking these tests down to the teacher’s room so they can be scanned?”
“Sure,” Cliff said, giving her his biggest, most sincere smile.
She handed Cliff the bundle of tests and wrapped them in a rubber band.
Cliff walked them down the hall and into the teacher’s room, which was completely empty since teachers usually ran out of the school faster than most of the students did when the last bell rang.
Cliff set the tests down and looked at the other piles from the other teacher’s classes that were waiting to be scanned.
There, a few piles down, was the stack from his own class. Cliff looked through them until he found Daniel’s paper. At the top of the test the computer had printed the letter “A”. Cliff took out a red marker and wrote “F” over it in thick, red ink so that the “A” wasn’t visible at all.
Cliff chuckled to himself as he went back to his detention. This was going to be the best prank ever.
IN DETENTION
It had been a few weeks since the Lacrosse Team Roster had been posted and while the practices were going well and the Big Game was coming up, a few weeks was a long time for Cliff Coopersmith not to get into trouble.
It was just his nature.
Cliff wanted someone to pull a prank on, since pranks were almost always funny and rarely resulted in anything worse than a detention.
The first thing Cliff needed was a target. And the only person who was really bothering him at the moment was Daniel Pantsback. Daniel had barely made the lacrosse team but in the last few weeks had been working really hard at practice and walking to and from school and now, next to Cliff, he was the best player on the team.
Plus, Daniel was apparently a pretty good student, getting A’s and B’s on almost all of his assignments, which made Cliff look bad since he did not.
Cliff usually failed most of his assignments and the reason for this was because he never put any effort into his school work. At least nowhere near as much effort as he did playing lacrosse or pulling pranks.
So Cliff had an idea.
A bad idea.
“If Daniel gets an F and I get a D, I’ll look smarter than him,” Cliff thought.
It wasn’t a very logical way to think but that was the way Cliff’s mind worked.
So that afternoon when he was in detention for starting a food fight in the cafeteria, Cliff asked the teacher if there was anything he might do to be helpful, instead of sitting quietly with his hands folded for two hours.
The teacher was Mrs. Norris and Cliff had never had her as a teacher but she seemed really nice. Really, really nice. And Cliff knew that the nicer the teacher was, the less suspecting they were of not-nice kids like Cliff.
He had noticed that she was trying to grade a bunch of tests by hand. But these tests were the kind where you fill in the a, b, c, or d bubble with a number two pencil.
Because most of the important state tests were this kind of bubble test, and because of budget cuts, the principal had changed every test in the school to this kind of test. He had also found a really cheap scanner that could read the penciled-in bubbles really quickly, saving the teachers a lot of time in grading these tests.
Cliff realized that Mrs. Norris would be using the scanner if she had the time, which she currently did not because she had to sit in detention, watching over Cliff.
Which gave him an idea.
A bad idea.
“Mrs. Norris,” Cliff said, “I feel really bad that you have to sit here for my detention. Since you won’t let me leave early, can I at least help you with something? Anything?”
Cliff knew there was a risk that she might ask him remove the chewed gum wads from under the desks or empty the garbage, but it was a risk he was willing to take.
Mrs. Norris thought about it for a moment and then said, “Would you mind taking these tests down to the teacher’s room so they can be scanned?”
“Sure,” Cliff said, giving her his biggest, most sincere smile.
She handed Cliff the bundle of tests and wrapped them in a rubber band.
Cliff walked them down the hall and into the teacher’s room, which was completely empty since teachers usually ran out of the school faster than most of the students did when the last bell rang.
Cliff set the tests down and looked at the other piles from the other teacher’s classes that were waiting to be scanned.
There, a few piles down, was the stack from his own class. Cliff looked through them until he found Daniel’s paper. At the top of the test the computer had printed the letter “A”. Cliff took out a red marker and wrote “F” over it in thick, red ink so that the “A” wasn’t visible at all.
Cliff chuckled to himself as he went back to his detention. This was going to be the best prank ever.
MEANWHILE… IN CLIFF’S HOUSE MANY YEARS AGO
There was a reason why Cliff Coopersmith was so mean, although no one really knew what that reason was, least of all Cliff himself.
As a small child Cliff had actually been a very nice and sweet boy, bringing his parents flowers he had picked, singing songs, and creating beautiful cards with cute hand-drawn pictures of rainbows and butterflies and words like “love” written neatly in crayon and colored pencil.
As a young child the only thing Cliff had ever wanted was a kitten. He had begged his parents for month and months until, for his sixth birthday, his parents finally agreed.
Cliff loved his kitten very much, petting it, feeding it, and giving it little saucers of milk whenever it let out a tiny, “Mewww.”
Cliff had never been happier in his entire life.
But kittens are tiny, and curious, and they get into places they sometimes shouldn’t.
And one afternoon, when Cliff had come home from kindergarten tired from a long day of drawing pictures and writing words like “love” in hand-made cards, he threw his backpack by the front door, turned on the television to watch some cartoons, and settled down on the couch without looking where he was sitting.
There, hidden in the seat cushions, was Mr. Prettypaws, which is what Cliff had named his kitten because it did, in fact, have very pretty paws.
Kittens and cats are domesticated animals, which is a fancy way of saying that something that once lived in the wild was now, more or less, okay with living indoors as long as you fed it, gave it milk when it went, “Mewww” and didn’t sit on it.
Mr. Prettypaws was only a kitten, but kittens get frightened like everyone else when a giant bum lands on them. When Cliff sat down on the couch, and on Mr. Prettypaws, the kitten hissed loudly and scratched Cliff on his back.
Even though the scratch hurt, Cliff felt bad for Mr. Prettypaws and tried to pick him up.
Mr. Prettypaws just hissed.
Cliff got Mr. Prettypaws a little saucer of milk.
Mr. Prettypaws just hissed.
Cliff drew Mr. Prettypaws an apology card with words like “love” and “I’m sorry”.
Mr. Prettypaws just hissed.
And ever since that day when his small kitten stopped trusting him and started hissing at him, a little piece of Cliff had been broken.
But that’s not why Cliff turned bad.
The reason Cliff had gone from being a sweet, trusting, caring child into an angry, untrusting, unpleasant child was when the same thing that happened to Mr. Prettypaws happened to him.
That same year, when Cliff was six, his parents had a big Thanksgiving dinner, inviting over all sorts of friends and relatives. Cliff kept getting bumped into and tripped over and told to get out of the way. So he decided to just sit on the couch and watch some television.
His mother had dressed him up in a red holiday sweater which just happened to be the exact same color as their red couch. So it was to be expected that when Cliff’s uncle came in to watch a football game on the television, he might not notice Cliff sitting on the couch.
Cliff was only a kid, but kids get frightened like everyone else when a giant bum lands on them. And even though his uncle was mostly soft and squishy it still hurt and scared him. And when his uncle stood up to apologize Cliff just ran to his room.
And ever since that day Cliff had been scared and untrusting of people. And every day when he came home from school to find Mr. Prettypaws hiding under the couch or hissing in a corner, it reminded Cliff of how much people feared and didn’t trust him.
Cliff found that the only way to not be bothered and saddened by this was to not care about what other people thought about him.
And that is why Cliff Coopersmith made most of the decisions that he did.
Especially the bad ones.
MEANWHILE… IN CLIFF’S HOUSE MANY YEARS AGO
There was a reason why Cliff Coopersmith was so mean, although no one really knew what that reason was, least of all Cliff himself.
As a small child Cliff had actually been a very nice and sweet boy, bringing his parents flowers he had picked, singing songs, and creating beautiful cards with cute hand-drawn pictures of rainbows and butterflies and words like “love” written neatly in crayon and colored pencil.
As a young child the only thing Cliff had ever wanted was a kitten. He had begged his parents for month and months until, for his sixth birthday, his parents finally agreed.
Cliff loved his kitten very much, petting it, feeding it, and giving it little saucers of milk whenever it let out a tiny, “Mewww.”
Cliff had never been happier in his entire life.
But kittens are tiny, and curious, and they get into places they sometimes shouldn’t.
And one afternoon, when Cliff had come home from kindergarten tired from a long day of drawing pictures and writing words like “love” in hand-made cards, he threw his backpack by the front door, turned on the television to watch some cartoons, and settled down on the couch without looking where he was sitting.
There, hidden in the seat cushions, was Mr. Prettypaws, which is what Cliff had named his kitten because it did, in fact, have very pretty paws.
Kittens and cats are domesticated animals, which is a fancy way of saying that something that once lived in the wild was now, more or less, okay with living indoors as long as you fed it, gave it milk when it went, “Mewww” and didn’t sit on it.
Mr. Prettypaws was only a kitten, but kittens get frightened like everyone else when a giant bum lands on them. When Cliff sat down on the couch, and on Mr. Prettypaws, the kitten hissed loudly and scratched Cliff on his back.
Even though the scratch hurt, Cliff felt bad for Mr. Prettypaws and tried to pick him up.
Mr. Prettypaws just hissed.
Cliff got Mr. Prettypaws a little saucer of milk.
Mr. Prettypaws just hissed.
Cliff drew Mr. Prettypaws an apology card with words like “love” and “I’m sorry”.
Mr. Prettypaws just hissed.
And ever since that day when his small kitten stopped trusting him and started hissing at him, a little piece of Cliff had been broken.
But that’s not why Cliff turned bad.
The reason Cliff had gone from being a sweet, trusting, caring child into an angry, untrusting, unpleasant child was when the same thing that happened to Mr. Prettypaws happened to him.
That same year, when Cliff was six, his parents had a big Thanksgiving dinner, inviting over all sorts of friends and relatives. Cliff kept getting bumped into and tripped over and told to get out of the way. So he decided to just sit on the couch and watch some television.
His mother had dressed him up in a red holiday sweater which just happened to be the exact same color as their red couch. So it was to be expected that when Cliff’s uncle came in to watch a football game on the television, he might not notice Cliff sitting on the couch.
Cliff was only a kid, but kids get frightened like everyone else when a giant bum lands on them. And even though his uncle was mostly soft and squishy it still hurt and scared him. And when his uncle stood up to apologize Cliff just ran to his room.
And ever since that day Cliff had been scared and untrusting of people. And every day when he came home from school to find Mr. Prettypaws hiding under the couch or hissing in a corner, it reminded Cliff of how much people feared and didn’t trust him.
Cliff found that the only way to not be bothered and saddened by this was to not care about what other people thought about him.
And that is why Cliff Coopersmith made most of the decisions that he did.
Especially the bad ones.
MEANWHILE… IN DANIEL’S HOUSE
When Daniel came home from school he could tell something was wrong. His mother was sitting at the kitchen table, waiting for him. A letter was open in front of her with the words, “Academic Probation” at the top A bubble score sheet was sitting next to it with a giant red “F” on it.
Daniel’s mother explained that he had received an “F” on his last test and was now on academic probation, which was the school’s way of saying he needed to do better on his tests “or else”… although the letter never really mentioned what the “or else” meant.
What the letter did mention was that any student who was on academic probation was not allowed to play school sports, since they were expected to spend more time studying so they could improve their grades.
This meant that Daniel was suspended from the lacrosse team and could only return to the team once his grades had improved.
Daniel was shocked. He was sad. He was angry. He was confused.
“How did this happen?” his mother asked him. “You’ve never received an ‘F’ before.”
“I don’t know, Daniel said. “I thought I did great on that test. Are you sure it’s right?”
“It’s hard to tell since all we have is the bubble score sheet and the handwritten grade. But the letter says that the scanner never lies. So you must have done pretty poorly. So no more lacrosse until your grades improve.”
“But mom…”
“No buts, mister. The letter does say that you can still join the Curd Club if you’d like, since it’s not really a sports team. They also recommend a tutor, so I’ve signed you up at the new Tutorrific that just opened near the grocery store.”
Daniel didn’t know what to do. He knew the grade was wrong but that was going to be hard to prove with just a bunch of bubble answers. He also knew that if he didn’t do better on his tests soon, he might not get a chance to play in the Big Game.
There was nothing else Daniel could do but agree to try harder, study more, and work with a tutor. So he put down his books, put some paper and pencils in his backpack, and headed for the new Tutorrific tutoring center.
MEANWHILE… IN DANIEL’S HOUSE
When Daniel came home from school he could tell something was wrong. His mother was sitting at the kitchen table, waiting for him. A letter was open in front of her with the words, “Academic Probation” at the top A bubble score sheet was sitting next to it with a giant red “F” on it.
Daniel’s mother explained that he had received an “F” on his last test and was now on academic probation, which was the school’s way of saying he needed to do better on his tests “or else”… although the letter never really mentioned what the “or else” meant.
What the letter did mention was that any student who was on academic probation was not allowed to play school sports, since they were expected to spend more time studying so they could improve their grades.
This meant that Daniel was suspended from the lacrosse team and could only return to the team once his grades had improved.
Daniel was shocked. He was sad. He was angry. He was confused.
“How did this happen?” his mother asked him. “You’ve never received an ‘F’ before.”
“I don’t know, Daniel said. “I thought I did great on that test. Are you sure it’s right?”
“It’s hard to tell since all we have is the bubble score sheet and the handwritten grade. But the letter says that the scanner never lies. So you must have done pretty poorly. So no more lacrosse until your grades improve.”
“But mom…”
“No buts, mister. The letter does say that you can still join the Curd Club if you’d like, since it’s not really a sports team. They also recommend a tutor, so I’ve signed you up at the new Tutorrific that just opened near the grocery store.”
Daniel didn’t know what to do. He knew the grade was wrong but that was going to be hard to prove with just a bunch of bubble answers. He also knew that if he didn’t do better on his tests soon, he might not get a chance to play in the Big Game.
There was nothing else Daniel could do but agree to try harder, study more, and work with a tutor. So he put down his books, put some paper and pencils in his backpack, and headed for the new Tutorrific tutoring center.
MEANWHILE… INSIDE AN ALIEN SHIP
Klaxnor realized that he had forgotten to pack food for the long journey to destroy the third planet from the faraway sun.
“I’m so hungry I could eat an entire blortflop by myself,” he told his crew.
“So could we,” his bowling team buddies replied.
Klaxnor and his team arrived at the faraway solar system a few hours later and instead of going to the third planet, called Earth, they stopped for lunch at the second planet, called Venus. It was actually very similar to Earth in terms of its size and shape and gravity. Venus even had an atmosphere although it was mostly made up of methane and carbon dioxide, which would kill most living things who breathed either of those two things in.
But Klaxnor knew that if there was that much methane and carbon dioxide it could only mean one thing.
Blortflops.
Flying his space ship in for a closer look, the planet was extremely hot because it was so near the sun and because methane and carbon dioxide were “greenhouse gasses”, which is a fancy term for gasses that work in an atmosphere the same way that glass works in a greenhouse, allowing light to pass through then holding it in as heat.
This meant that nothing could live or grow on the surface. But below the surface was a whole different story.
Klaxnor flew his ship down into a crater hole, looking for an opening. It didn’t take long before he found one.
There are generally two kinds of planets in the universe. Solid planets are made of rocks or dirt or ice or some other solid substance. And then there are gas planets, made of gas, which means that there is no place on it to land without sinking into the middle of it.
There was only one gas planet in this solar system, called Jupiter, and it was a giant planet with a big red spot on it. Klaxnor laughed at this because one of his bowling buddies was named Jooptor, which sounded a lot like Jupiter. And like Jupiter, Jooptor was very big, frequently had gas, and he had a big red birthmark on his stomach.
The planet they were on now, Venus, was solid but only up to a point. Solid planets have a crust on the outside, which is what everyone sees and walks on. hey also have a core, which is the center of the planet. But between the core and the crust is the mantle and if this mantle is thick enough then it can also have huge pockets of air in them where things can live.
Things like blortflops.
And sure enough, as he guided his spaceship into the crater hole and down a small tunnel into the planet’s mantle, he found just such a pocket. It was here that thousands of blortflops grazed on green grass fields in peace.
“Lunch time!” Klaxnor shouted.
One thing that hasn’t been mentioned yet is the peculiar eating habits of the Splorgon. You see, Splorgons have several rows of teeth extending all the way from their mouths down into their stomachs, allowing them to chew their food really, really well. It also means that they can get really, really hungry. So for a group of five Splorgons (which is how many Splorgons were on a typical Splorgon bowling team), it was no trouble at all for them to eat a thousand blortflops at one time.
Which is what they did…
MEANWHILE… INSIDE AN ALIEN SHIP
Klaxnor realized that he had forgotten to pack food for the long journey to destroy the third planet from the faraway sun.
“I’m so hungry I could eat an entire blortflop by myself,” he told his crew.
“So could we,” his bowling team buddies replied.
Klaxnor and his team arrived at the faraway solar system a few hours later and instead of going to the third planet, called Earth, they stopped for lunch at the second planet, called Venus. It was actually very similar to Earth in terms of its size and shape and gravity. Venus even had an atmosphere although it was mostly made up of methane and carbon dioxide, which would kill most living things who breathed either of those two things in.
But Klaxnor knew that if there was that much methane and carbon dioxide it could only mean one thing.
Blortflops.
Flying his space ship in for a closer look, the planet was extremely hot because it was so near the sun and because methane and carbon dioxide were “greenhouse gasses”, which is a fancy term for gasses that work in an atmosphere the same way that glass works in a greenhouse, allowing light to pass through then holding it in as heat.
This meant that nothing could live or grow on the surface. But below the surface was a whole different story.
Klaxnor flew his ship down into a crater hole, looking for an opening. It didn’t take long before he found one.
There are generally two kinds of planets in the universe. Solid planets are made of rocks or dirt or ice or some other solid substance. And then there are gas planets, made of gas, which means that there is no place on it to land without sinking into the middle of it.
There was only one gas planet in this solar system, called Jupiter, and it was a giant planet with a big red spot on it. Klaxnor laughed at this because one of his bowling buddies was named Jooptor, which sounded a lot like Jupiter. And like Jupiter, Jooptor was very big, frequently had gas, and he had a big red birthmark on his stomach.
The planet they were on now, Venus, was solid but only up to a point. Solid planets have a crust on the outside, which is what everyone sees and walks on. hey also have a core, which is the center of the planet. But between the core and the crust is the mantle and if this mantle is thick enough then it can also have huge pockets of air in them where things can live.
Things like blortflops.
And sure enough, as he guided his spaceship into the crater hole and down a small tunnel into the planet’s mantle, he found just such a pocket. It was here that thousands of blortflops grazed on green grass fields in peace.
“Lunch time!” Klaxnor shouted.
One thing that hasn’t been mentioned yet is the peculiar eating habits of the Splorgon. You see, Splorgons have several rows of teeth extending all the way from their mouths down into their stomachs, allowing them to chew their food really, really well. It also means that they can get really, really hungry. So for a group of five Splorgons (which is how many Splorgons were on a typical Splorgon bowling team), it was no trouble at all for them to eat a thousand blortflops at one time.
Which is what they did…
MEANWHILE… AT TUTORRIFIC
When Daniel arrived at the new Tutorrific tutoring center he had a feeling that things were not going to go well.
First of all, there was a banner above the door that read, “NOW OPIN”, which wasn’t at all how it should have been spelled.
Second, when he pulled up on his bike he saw a young girl running out of the building, crying. A few seconds later her mother came running out behind her, also crying. They got into their car and sped away.
And then the girl’s father came running out of the building, only he wasn’t crying. He was just mad and red in the face. A few seconds later he started crying, though, when he realized his family had forgotten him and left him at the Tutorrific.
There was a tutoring center across town called “Terrific Tutors” that had been there for years and had helped many, many kids get better at their schoolwork. But it was farther away and more expensive than this new Tutorrific. Daniel wondered to himself if it wasn’t a better idea to go to “Terrific Tutors” instead.
He stopped wondering and knew it was a better idea to go to “Terrific Tutors” once he stepped inside the Tutorrific.
“Wazzup, buddy?” a teenager asked Daniel.
“Hi,” Daniel said. “I have an appointment.”
“Awesome,” the teenager said, not moving… just staring and smiling at Daniel.
“So… should we get started?” Daniel asked. “I got an ‘F’ on a test so I think I need to work on—”
The teenager just held up his hand, cutting Daniel off midsentence.
“Here at Tutorrific we teach you everything you need to know. Especially the things you don’t know you don’t know you need to know. So let’s get started.”
Daniel didn’t want to argue so he sat down at a nearby table with the tutor.
“What is two plus two?” the tutor asked.
“Four,” Daniel replied.
“What is two times two?”
“Also four.”
“Very good,” said the tutor. “I see you have math all figured out. What is my name?”
“Your name tag says ‘Henry’.”
“Right. Let’s move on to art. What do you get when you mix blue and yellow?”
“Green,” Daniel said.
“What if it’s a really dark shade of blue?
“You get a darker shade of green.”
“Awesome. Now on to philosophy. What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?”
“That isn’t a real question. You can’t have both things. If you describe something as unstoppable then it can’t, by definition, be stopped. So it can’t meet something immovable. Otherwise those words aren’t correct descriptions,” Daniel explained.
“I always wondered about that,” Henry said.
There was an uncomfortable silence for a moment before the tutor shouted out, “Where does vegetable oil come from?”
“Vegetables.”
“Where does olive oil come from?”
“Olives.”
“Where does baby oil come from?”
Daniel thought about this for a moment but realize he had no idea.
“Ha! In your face!” Henry shouted, dancing across the room.
“I don’t mean to interrupt,” Daniel said, “But I got an F on a test and I need to get an A on my next test or I’m not going to be able to play in the Big Game so I was hoping you could help with –”
Once more Henry cut him off.
“I’m the tutor, kid. So I think I’ll be the one to tell you what you need to know.”
“Okay,” Daniel said.
“Now we’re going to practice making sandwiches and washing cars. The kitchen is over there and my car is the red one outside. Make me a sandwich then wash my car.”
“But—” Daniel started.
“No interrupting! o you want to get smarterer or not?”
Daniel realized that although he had received an ‘F’ on his test he was fairly sure that “smarterer” was not a word and that even if it was, he was a lot smarterer than Henry. So Daniel quietly gathered his bag and rode his bike home.
He would just have to figure out another way to improve his grades in time for the Big Game.
MEANWHILE… AT TUTORRIFIC
When Daniel arrived at the new Tutorrific tutoring center he had a feeling that things were not going to go well.
First of all, there was a banner above the door that read, “NOW OPIN”, which wasn’t at all how it should have been spelled.
Second, when he pulled up on his bike he saw a young girl running out of the building, crying. A few seconds later her mother came running out behind her, also crying. They got into their car and sped away.
And then the girl’s father came running out of the building, only he wasn’t crying. He was just mad and red in the face. A few seconds later he started crying, though, when he realized his family had forgotten him and left him at the Tutorrific.
There was a tutoring center across town called “Terrific Tutors” that had been there for years and had helped many, many kids get better at their schoolwork. But it was farther away and more expensive than this new Tutorrific. Daniel wondered to himself if it wasn’t a better idea to go to “Terrific Tutors” instead.
He stopped wondering and knew it was a better idea to go to “Terrific Tutors” once he stepped inside the Tutorrific.
“Wazzup, buddy?” a teenager asked Daniel.
“Hi,” Daniel said. “I have an appointment.”
“Awesome,” the teenager said, not moving… just staring and smiling at Daniel.
“So… should we get started?” Daniel asked. “I got an ‘F’ on a test so I think I need to work on—”
The teenager just held up his hand, cutting Daniel off midsentence.
“Here at Tutorrific we teach you everything you need to know. Especially the things you don’t know you don’t know you need to know. So let’s get started.”
Daniel didn’t want to argue so he sat down at a nearby table with the tutor.
“What is two plus two?” the tutor asked.
“Four,” Daniel replied.
“What is two times two?”
“Also four.”
“Very good,” said the tutor. “I see you have math all figured out. What is my name?”
“Your name tag says ‘Henry’.”
“Right. Let’s move on to art. What do you get when you mix blue and yellow?”
“Green,” Daniel said.
“What if it’s a really dark shade of blue?
“You get a darker shade of green.”
“Awesome. Now on to philosophy. What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?”
“That isn’t a real question. You can’t have both things. If you describe something as unstoppable then it can’t, by definition, be stopped. So it can’t meet something immovable. Otherwise those words aren’t correct descriptions,” Daniel explained.
“I always wondered about that,” Henry said.
There was an uncomfortable silence for a moment before the tutor shouted out, “Where does vegetable oil come from?”
“Vegetables.”
“Where does olive oil come from?”
“Olives.”
“Where does baby oil come from?”
Daniel thought about this for a moment but realize he had no idea.
“Ha! In your face!” Henry shouted, dancing across the room.
“I don’t mean to interrupt,” Daniel said, “But I got an F on a test and I need to get an A on my next test or I’m not going to be able to play in the Big Game so I was hoping you could help with –”
Once more Henry cut him off.
“I’m the tutor, kid. So I think I’ll be the one to tell you what you need to know.”
“Okay,” Daniel said.
“Now we’re going to practice making sandwiches and washing cars. The kitchen is over there and my car is the red one outside. Make me a sandwich then wash my car.”
“But—” Daniel started.
“No interrupting! o you want to get smarterer or not?”
Daniel realized that although he had received an ‘F’ on his test he was fairly sure that “smarterer” was not a word and that even if it was, he was a lot smarterer than Henry. So Daniel quietly gathered his bag and rode his bike home.
He would just have to figure out another way to improve his grades in time for the Big Game.
MEANWHILE… INSIDE AN ALIEN SHIP
After they finished eating every single blortflop on the planet Venus, Klaxnor and the other Splorgons took a nap, bowled a few strings on their space ship’s bowling lane, then plotted a course for Earth.
MEANWHILE… INSIDE AN ALIEN SHIP
After they finished eating every single blortflop on the planet Venus, Klaxnor and the other Splorgons took a nap, bowled a few strings on their space ship’s bowling lane, then plotted a course for Earth.
MEANWHILE… AT CURD CLUB PRACTICE
Daniel had no real interest in cheese in general or curds in specific, but the Curd Club met in the multi-purpose room after school and the multi-purpose room looked out over the lacrosse field. This meant that Daniel could be in the Curd Club while watching all of the plays his team was practicing, in case he passed his next big test and was able to rejoin the team.
Daniel thought that the Curd Club would just be a bunch of kids sitting around eating cheese but when he walked into the multi-purpose room it was not what he had expected at all.
It was a bunch of kids standing around making cheese!
Daniel didn’t recognize anyone in the room since they were all wearing white lab coats and eye goggles and were huddled over a large vat, which is a fancy way of saying tub. Inside the vat was milk, which the kids were taking turns raking, pulling out the lumpy bits.
“Grab a rake,” said a familiar voice. When she took her goggles off, Daniel saw that it was Molly leading a small group of cheese makers.
“What are you doing?” Daniel asked.
“Making curds, silly.”
“Then what’s with all the milk?” Daniel asked.
“Where do you think cheese comes from?” She asked.
Molly introduced Daniel to the rest of the team.
There was Meredith, the cooker, who was in charge of making sure the stove top was kept at just the right temperature.
Baxter was the milker, who added the milk.
Birney was the chemist, who added the calcium chloride, culture packet, and rennet, which helps to set the milk into a solid form.
Derek was the first stirrer with his twin brother Bo as second stirrer, stirring the mixture.
And then there was Molly, team captain and cheese wringer. She put the cheese into a cloth and wrung out all of the extra moisture.
Daniel learned that cheese curds were also called “squeaky cheese” since they squeaked when you ate them. This was because of the air that was trapped inside being released when you bit into it. Daniel tried a fresh curd which squeaked loudly as he chomped down.
“Delicious,” he said.
“What?” Molly asked. “I can’t hear you over the squeaking.”
“Delicious!” Daniel shouted, laughing.
Daniel was having so much fun it wasn’t until the Curd Club was over that he realized he hadn’t even watched the lacrosse practice.
As they were walking home Daniel turned to Molly.
“You’re pretty smart, Daniel blurted.
“Is that a question or a statement?”
“Both,” Daniel said.
“Then yes, I am… and thanks.”
“Would you tutor me?” Daniel asked.
“Okay,” Molly said, not needing any further explanation.
Daniel had always considered Martin to be his best friend but now he was starting to wonder why. Martin hardly ever talked or played or did anything other than video games. olly, on the other hand, always played with him, had taught him how to make cheese curds, and now was going to tutor him.
“Thanks,” Daniel told her.
MEANWHILE… AT CURD CLUB PRACTICE
Daniel had no real interest in cheese in general or curds in specific, but the Curd Club met in the multi-purpose room after school and the multi-purpose room looked out over the lacrosse field. This meant that Daniel could be in the Curd Club while watching all of the plays his team was practicing, in case he passed his next big test and was able to rejoin the team.
Daniel thought that the Curd Club would just be a bunch of kids sitting around eating cheese but when he walked into the multi-purpose room it was not what he had expected at all.
It was a bunch of kids standing around making cheese!
Daniel didn’t recognize anyone in the room since they were all wearing white lab coats and eye goggles and were huddled over a large vat, which is a fancy way of saying tub. Inside the vat was milk, which the kids were taking turns raking, pulling out the lumpy bits.
“Grab a rake,” said a familiar voice. When she took her goggles off, Daniel saw that it was Molly leading a small group of cheese makers.
“What are you doing?” Daniel asked.
“Making curds, silly.”
“Then what’s with all the milk?” Daniel asked.
“Where do you think cheese comes from?” She asked.
Molly introduced Daniel to the rest of the team.
There was Meredith, the cooker, who was in charge of making sure the stove top was kept at just the right temperature.
Baxter was the milker, who added the milk.
Birney was the chemist, who added the calcium chloride, culture packet, and rennet, which helps to set the milk into a solid form.
Derek was the first stirrer with his twin brother Bo as second stirrer, stirring the mixture.
And then there was Molly, team captain and cheese wringer. She put the cheese into a cloth and wrung out all of the extra moisture.
Daniel learned that cheese curds were also called “squeaky cheese” since they squeaked when you ate them. This was because of the air that was trapped inside being released when you bit into it. Daniel tried a fresh curd which squeaked loudly as he chomped down.
“Delicious,” he said.
“What?” Molly asked. “I can’t hear you over the squeaking.”
“Delicious!” Daniel shouted, laughing.
Daniel was having so much fun it wasn’t until the Curd Club was over that he realized he hadn’t even watched the lacrosse practice.
As they were walking home Daniel turned to Molly.
“You’re pretty smart, Daniel blurted.
“Is that a question or a statement?”
“Both,” Daniel said.
“Then yes, I am… and thanks.”
“Would you tutor me?” Daniel asked.
“Okay,” Molly said, not needing any further explanation.
Daniel had always considered Martin to be his best friend but now he was starting to wonder why. Martin hardly ever talked or played or did anything other than video games. olly, on the other hand, always played with him, had taught him how to make cheese curds, and now was going to tutor him.
“Thanks,” Daniel told her.
MEANWHILE… OFF THE COAST OF PERU
The sun was rising higher in the sky, warming the land as Arturo del Rio stood on a hill looking out over his home and the Pacific Ocean in the distance.
He was watching the horizon, which is a fancy way of saying the far off line in the distance where the ocean meets the sky, looking for his iceberg. A few moments later a small white blob came into view. It was actually an enormous, massive block of ice but from this distance and through his small telescope it looked tiny.
Arturo clapped his hands together in delight and ran down the hill above his home as fast as he could. He was so excited that he could hardly contain himself. His plan to sail an iceberg from the arctic to Peru had actually worked!
By this time tomorrow he would be melting the iceberg down and bottling the fresh, clean water for everyone in his tiny village and around the world.
Arturo had run down the hill, past his house and all the way to the beach where he kept his boat. He started it up and pointed it towards the tiny (but actually giant) iceberg out on the horizon.
MEANWHILE… OFF THE COAST OF PERU
The sun was rising higher in the sky, warming the land as Arturo del Rio stood on a hill looking out over his home and the Pacific Ocean in the distance.
He was watching the horizon, which is a fancy way of saying the far off line in the distance where the ocean meets the sky, looking for his iceberg. A few moments later a small white blob came into view. It was actually an enormous, massive block of ice but from this distance and through his small telescope it looked tiny.
Arturo clapped his hands together in delight and ran down the hill above his home as fast as he could. He was so excited that he could hardly contain himself. His plan to sail an iceberg from the arctic to Peru had actually worked!
By this time tomorrow he would be melting the iceberg down and bottling the fresh, clean water for everyone in his tiny village and around the world.
Arturo had run down the hill, past his house and all the way to the beach where he kept his boat. He started it up and pointed it towards the tiny (but actually giant) iceberg out on the horizon.
MEANWHILE… ON AN ICEBERG OFF THE COAST OF PERU
Taangag had been motoring along on the iceberg for days, heading south by southeast. He wasn’t exactly sure where he was going but he knew he was headed in the right direction. After all, the plane that had landed and strapped on the giant propeller had headed south, so Taangag assumed that would be where he would find some answers.
Taangag missed Emeq, but if he was going to be stranded on an iceberg he was happy to have the company of Captain Ed Hazelwood and his crew.
When the giant boat crashed into the tiny island Taangag had turned his iceberg around to pick up the stranded crew. They had shown Taangag how to steer the giant iceberg like a large ship and in return Taangag had showed them how to fish with nothing but a string and a hook. Together they made a great team and Taangag actually found himself having a lot of fun on his new adventure.
On the horizon Taangag thought he saw land so he called to Captain Hazelwood.
“Yup,” the captain said. “That’s land all right. And if I had to guess, I’d say that’s Africa. I’d bet my last dollar on it.”
Now Taangag didn’t know much about geography but he did know that Africa was on the other side of the planet and that they hadn’t been sailing long enough to go that far.
A few moments later the motor powering the giant propeller that was strapped to the iceberg ran out of fuel and sputtered to a stop. It was the first silence any of them had heard in many, many days.
And that’s when they heard something else… a different motor powering a different propeller. And it came from a small boat that was heading towards them.
A few moments later a man and his boat were alongside the iceberg. The man waved to Taangag and shouted, “Hola! Me llamo Arturo.” Which was a fancy Peruvian way of saying, “Hello, my name is Arturo.”
“Ainngai!” Taangag shouted back, which was the Inuit word for hello.
In no time Arturo had explained to them his plan for sailing icebergs from the Arctic Ocean to Peru. And in return Arturo found out all about Taangag’s adventures and how he had saved the crew of the Rusty Bucket.
A few hours later Arturo had towed the iceberg home. Taangag and the captain and his crew were met with a hero’s welcome with cheering and banners and balloons and confetti. Everyone was treated to music and food and bathrooms, which were all things that had been missing on the iceberg and for which everyone who had been on the iceberg was now very grateful.
The next day when the party was over and everyone was rested and the iceberg began melting, Arturo sat down with Taangag and Captain Hazelwood.
“I would like to hire you, Arturo told them. He explained how he wanted them to fly to the arctic, find another iceberg, strap on the motor and propeller, and sail it back to Peru. Arturo needed more icebergs, and Captain Hazelwood needed a ship, and Taangag wanted to fly back home to Emeq and take her on an adventure.
Taangag and Captain Hazelwood agreed, and the very next day they and their crew were flying north to the Arctic Circle.
MEANWHILE… ON AN ICEBERG OFF THE COAST OF PERU
Taangag had been motoring along on the iceberg for days, heading south by southeast. He wasn’t exactly sure where he was going but he knew he was headed in the right direction. After all, the plane that had landed and strapped on the giant propeller had headed south, so Taangag assumed that would be where he would find some answers.
Taangag missed Emeq, but if he was going to be stranded on an iceberg he was happy to have the company of Captain Ed Hazelwood and his crew.
When the giant boat crashed into the tiny island Taangag had turned his iceberg around to pick up the stranded crew. They had shown Taangag how to steer the giant iceberg like a large ship and in return Taangag had showed them how to fish with nothing but a string and a hook. Together they made a great team and Taangag actually found himself having a lot of fun on his new adventure.
On the horizon Taangag thought he saw land so he called to Captain Hazelwood.
“Yup,” the captain said. “That’s land all right. And if I had to guess, I’d say that’s Africa. I’d bet my last dollar on it.”
Now Taangag didn’t know much about geography but he did know that Africa was on the other side of the planet and that they hadn’t been sailing long enough to go that far.
A few moments later the motor powering the giant propeller that was strapped to the iceberg ran out of fuel and sputtered to a stop. It was the first silence any of them had heard in many, many days.
And that’s when they heard something else… a different motor powering a different propeller. And it came from a small boat that was heading towards them.
A few moments later a man and his boat were alongside the iceberg. The man waved to Taangag and shouted, “Hola! Me llamo Arturo.” Which was a fancy Peruvian way of saying, “Hello, my name is Arturo.”
“Ainngai!” Taangag shouted back, which was the Inuit word for hello.
In no time Arturo had explained to them his plan for sailing icebergs from the Arctic Ocean to Peru. And in return Arturo found out all about Taangag’s adventures and how he had saved the crew of the Rusty Bucket.
A few hours later Arturo had towed the iceberg home. Taangag and the captain and his crew were met with a hero’s welcome with cheering and banners and balloons and confetti. Everyone was treated to music and food and bathrooms, which were all things that had been missing on the iceberg and for which everyone who had been on the iceberg was now very grateful.
The next day when the party was over and everyone was rested and the iceberg began melting, Arturo sat down with Taangag and Captain Hazelwood.
“I would like to hire you, Arturo told them. He explained how he wanted them to fly to the arctic, find another iceberg, strap on the motor and propeller, and sail it back to Peru. Arturo needed more icebergs, and Captain Hazelwood needed a ship, and Taangag wanted to fly back home to Emeq and take her on an adventure.
Taangag and Captain Hazelwood agreed, and the very next day they and their crew were flying north to the Arctic Circle.
MEANWHILE… AT MOLLY’S HOUSE
It turned out that Molly was a pretty great tutor.
Luckily for Daniel she remembered the questions from the test where Daniel had scored an “F”, so she decided to ask him those questions to see what, specifically, he had got wrong.
The problem was that he answered each and every one of them correctly.
“If you got all of the answers right,” she asked, “Then how did you get an ‘F’ on the test?”
That night Daniel made sure that he got plenty of sleep.
The next morning he made sure to eat a complete breakfast.
Between classes and during lunch he studied and read and studied some more, preparing as much as he could.
And when he finally sat down to take the test he made sure his number two pencil was sharpened and that he had an eraser in case he made any mistakes.
Mrs. Venner told the class that the entire test would take one hour, but Daniel finished in forty-five minutes, and that was after double-checking every single question and answer. In fact, he even finished before Molly!
Daniel knew, without needing to see a grade, that he would receive an ‘A’ on this test. It was the end of the day so Mrs. Venner let the students leave when they were finished.
Daniel walked out of the classroom in his socks and went to put on his boots that were out in the hall. But as he opened the door and stepped into the hallway he splashed into a river of running water as it rushed past. The entire hallway was flooded, and Daniel’s feet were soaked.
The school janitor, Mr. Strandell, ran by with his mop and bucket towards the boy’s bathroom.
“Outta the way, kid,” Mr. Strandell huffed as he sloshed through the water.
Daniel was excited to get home and tell his parents about the test, but he wasn’t excited about the thought of walking home once more with wet socks in his boots.
Molly left the class a moment later when Daniel put up his hand to block her from stepping in the water.
“Thanks,” Molly said. “That was close.”
Molly asked Daniel how he did on the test.
“I got them all right,” he told her. “Thanks, by the way.”
“For what?”
“For being my tutor.”
“That’s what friends are for,” Molly replied.
Daniel patted Molly on the back. With a boy he would have fist bumped or high-fived or punched them in the arm. But girls didn’t like that. The problem was that Daniel wasn’t sure what they liked in this kind of situation. So instead he just changed the topic.
“What do you suppose is causing all the water?” Daniel asked.
“I’m not sure. I guess that means we have two mysteries to solve.”
“What mysteries?” Daniel asked, deciding to just take his socks off before putting on his boots. It was better to walk with dry feet and no socks than it was the other way around.
“The first one is why the water keeps flooding the bathroom,” Molly explained. “The other is, how did you fail the first test?”
Daniel had no idea about either, but he was about to learn the answer to both at the exact same time.
MEANWHILE… AT MOLLY’S HOUSE
It turned out that Molly was a pretty great tutor.
Luckily for Daniel she remembered the questions from the test where Daniel had scored an “F”, so she decided to ask him those questions to see what, specifically, he had got wrong.
The problem was that he answered each and every one of them correctly.
“If you got all of the answers right,” she asked, “Then how did you get an ‘F’ on the test?”
That night Daniel made sure that he got plenty of sleep.
The next morning he made sure to eat a complete breakfast.
Between classes and during lunch he studied and read and studied some more, preparing as much as he could.
And when he finally sat down to take the test he made sure his number two pencil was sharpened and that he had an eraser in case he made any mistakes.
Mrs. Venner told the class that the entire test would take one hour, but Daniel finished in forty-five minutes, and that was after double-checking every single question and answer. In fact, he even finished before Molly!
Daniel knew, without needing to see a grade, that he would receive an ‘A’ on this test. It was the end of the day so Mrs. Venner let the students leave when they were finished.
Daniel walked out of the classroom in his socks and went to put on his boots that were out in the hall. But as he opened the door and stepped into the hallway he splashed into a river of running water as it rushed past. The entire hallway was flooded, and Daniel’s feet were soaked.
The school janitor, Mr. Strandell, ran by with his mop and bucket towards the boy’s bathroom.
“Outta the way, kid,” Mr. Strandell huffed as he sloshed through the water.
Daniel was excited to get home and tell his parents about the test, but he wasn’t excited about the thought of walking home once more with wet socks in his boots.
Molly left the class a moment later when Daniel put up his hand to block her from stepping in the water.
“Thanks,” Molly said. “That was close.”
Molly asked Daniel how he did on the test.
“I got them all right,” he told her. “Thanks, by the way.”
“For what?”
“For being my tutor.”
“That’s what friends are for,” Molly replied.
Daniel patted Molly on the back. With a boy he would have fist bumped or high-fived or punched them in the arm. But girls didn’t like that. The problem was that Daniel wasn’t sure what they liked in this kind of situation. So instead he just changed the topic.
“What do you suppose is causing all the water?” Daniel asked.
“I’m not sure. I guess that means we have two mysteries to solve.”
“What mysteries?” Daniel asked, deciding to just take his socks off before putting on his boots. It was better to walk with dry feet and no socks than it was the other way around.
“The first one is why the water keeps flooding the bathroom,” Molly explained. “The other is, how did you fail the first test?”
Daniel had no idea about either, but he was about to learn the answer to both at the exact same time.
MEANWHILE… IN MRS. VENNER’S CLASSROOM
When the test was over the last student left in class was Cliff Coopersmith. This wasn’t unusual as Cliff was both the worst student in class AND he always stayed after anyway for detention.
Mrs. Venner couldn’t help but notice, though, that Cliff was being particularly helpful, which usually meant he was up to something.
“Would you like me to take the tests down to the teacher’s room and run them through the scanner?” Cliff asked sweetly.
“Sure,” Mrs. Venner said as Cliff carefully carried the stack of bubble test sheets out of the room and down the hall.
There was something suspicious going on but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Normally she would have kept a closer eye on Cliff but she had a lot of grades to enter for report cards.
Also, she was worried about Daniel Pantsback and how much his grades had slipped because of his last big test. She hoped that he did better on this one.
A short while later Cliff came back into the room carrying the papers.
“Can I go to lacrosse practice now, Mrs. Venner?” he asked.
She told him he could, as she entered the grades from the tests.
Halfway through the stack she came to Daniel’s paper. The test results showed he had answered every single question wrong.
Mrs. Venner felt like she had failed Daniel. He was normally such a good student. With a sigh she typed in a “0” for Daniel’s grade.
She looked at the number for a few moments and thought about what it meant. Daniel wouldn’t get back onto the lacrosse team, which she knew was important to him. More importantly, though, Daniel would probably have to repeat the entire school year.
She thought about checking the test herself but the scanner system didn’t lie. It read the bubbles that were filled in and gave a grade.
There was no way to change the grades or get the machine to give a wrong grade.
Or was there?
MEANWHILE… IN MRS. VENNER’S CLASSROOM
When the test was over the last student left in class was Cliff Coopersmith. This wasn’t unusual as Cliff was both the worst student in class AND he always stayed after anyway for detention.
Mrs. Venner couldn’t help but notice, though, that Cliff was being particularly helpful, which usually meant he was up to something.
“Would you like me to take the tests down to the teacher’s room and run them through the scanner?” Cliff asked sweetly.
“Sure,” Mrs. Venner said as Cliff carefully carried the stack of bubble test sheets out of the room and down the hall.
There was something suspicious going on but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Normally she would have kept a closer eye on Cliff but she had a lot of grades to enter for report cards.
Also, she was worried about Daniel Pantsback and how much his grades had slipped because of his last big test. She hoped that he did better on this one.
A short while later Cliff came back into the room carrying the papers.
“Can I go to lacrosse practice now, Mrs. Venner?” he asked.
She told him he could, as she entered the grades from the tests.
Halfway through the stack she came to Daniel’s paper. The test results showed he had answered every single question wrong.
Mrs. Venner felt like she had failed Daniel. He was normally such a good student. With a sigh she typed in a “0” for Daniel’s grade.
She looked at the number for a few moments and thought about what it meant. Daniel wouldn’t get back onto the lacrosse team, which she knew was important to him. More importantly, though, Daniel would probably have to repeat the entire school year.
She thought about checking the test herself but the scanner system didn’t lie. It read the bubbles that were filled in and gave a grade.
There was no way to change the grades or get the machine to give a wrong grade.
Or was there?
MEANWHILE… OUTSIDE THE LOCAL CHEESE CURD SHOP
Since he had some time before Curd Club, Daniel decided to deliver his newspapers after school. Riding his bike along Main Street, Daniel waved at Carl, the owner of Carl’s Curd shop, as he passed by.
Daniel was distracted this afternoon, both my how well he knew he did on his latest test and by the beautiful curd display in Carl’s window. There were bags of fresh curds, curd utensils, books about curds, curd containers, and assorted curd carriers.
As he rode his bike past the shop, Daniel wondered if his most recent test was enough to get back onto the lacrosse team.
It was because Daniel was so consumed in thought and utterly distracted by the curd display the he missed all of the events that happened next.
In front of the curd shop Daniel gazed in the window, not noticing the tiny, grey mouse that darted out in front of him. The mouse passed barely an inch in front of his bicycle tire as it ran toward the corner of the sidewalk where it met the road. Behind the mouse was a crazed Calico cat, which is a fancy way of saying a more or less white cat with lots of splotches of color.
The Calico cat ran in front of Daniel’s tire too, but what it didn’t realize was that cats are significantly bigger than mice. This meant that while most of the cat passed in front of Daniel’s tire, a bit of the cat didn’t.
Specifically… the tail bit.
As Daniel ran over the cat’s tail it let out a yowling screech. This screech scared the mouse who ran into the road. And once Daniel’s bike was no longer on the cat’s tail, the relieved cat chased after the mouse once more.
Daniel turned his bike down the street next to the curd shop to deliver a newspaper to his Aunt Mary. He heard a loud, yowling screech from behind him and turned his head just as he passed an expensive, silver car travelling in the other direction.
Daniel didn’t see who was driving the car because his mind was on his Aunt Mary, who only got the newspaper for the crossword puzzles.
But the driver of this expensive, silver car did see what happened next. He saw the mouse being chased by the cat as both of them ran in front of his car. The driver swerved to avoid hitting either animal and instead ran his car into a very big tree.
The tree was fine but the car was crumpled and smoking. The driver got out of the car and began making yowling, screeching noises himself, which was very inappropriate for Mr. Miller to do as he was the school principal and had an image to uphold.
Mr. Miller had been driving back to school after attending a meeting where he was told that he had to cut even more money from the school’s budget. He was considering asking students to pack lunches from now on, for both themselves AND their teachers, since he didn’t know where else he might be able to save any more money.
It was because Principal Miller was so consumed in thought and utterly distracted by the budget that he barely had time to react to the mouse and the cat as he crashed his car.
He had been travelling on official school business, which meant the school would pay to have his expensive, silver car fixed. But that also meant that it would come out of the school’s budget and that meant even more cuts on top of the new cuts. And budget cuts always put Principal George Miller in a bad mood.
MEANWHILE… OUTSIDE THE LOCAL CHEESE CURD SHOP
Since he had some time before Curd Club, Daniel decided to deliver his newspapers after school. Riding his bike along Main Street, Daniel waved at Carl, the owner of Carl’s Curd shop, as he passed by.
Daniel was distracted this afternoon, both my how well he knew he did on his latest test and by the beautiful curd display in Carl’s window. There were bags of fresh curds, curd utensils, books about curds, curd containers, and assorted curd carriers.
As he rode his bike past the shop, Daniel wondered if his most recent test was enough to get back onto the lacrosse team.
It was because Daniel was so consumed in thought and utterly distracted by the curd display the he missed all of the events that happened next.
In front of the curd shop Daniel gazed in the window, not noticing the tiny, grey mouse that darted out in front of him. The mouse passed barely an inch in front of his bicycle tire as it ran toward the corner of the sidewalk where it met the road. Behind the mouse was a crazed Calico cat, which is a fancy way of saying a more or less white cat with lots of splotches of color.
The Calico cat ran in front of Daniel’s tire too, but what it didn’t realize was that cats are significantly bigger than mice. This meant that while most of the cat passed in front of Daniel’s tire, a bit of the cat didn’t.
Specifically… the tail bit.
As Daniel ran over the cat’s tail it let out a yowling screech. This screech scared the mouse who ran into the road. And once Daniel’s bike was no longer on the cat’s tail, the relieved cat chased after the mouse once more.
Daniel turned his bike down the street next to the curd shop to deliver a newspaper to his Aunt Mary. He heard a loud, yowling screech from behind him and turned his head just as he passed an expensive, silver car travelling in the other direction.
Daniel didn’t see who was driving the car because his mind was on his Aunt Mary, who only got the newspaper for the crossword puzzles.
But the driver of this expensive, silver car did see what happened next. He saw the mouse being chased by the cat as both of them ran in front of his car. The driver swerved to avoid hitting either animal and instead ran his car into a very big tree.
The tree was fine but the car was crumpled and smoking. The driver got out of the car and began making yowling, screeching noises himself, which was very inappropriate for Mr. Miller to do as he was the school principal and had an image to uphold.
Mr. Miller had been driving back to school after attending a meeting where he was told that he had to cut even more money from the school’s budget. He was considering asking students to pack lunches from now on, for both themselves AND their teachers, since he didn’t know where else he might be able to save any more money.
It was because Principal Miller was so consumed in thought and utterly distracted by the budget that he barely had time to react to the mouse and the cat as he crashed his car.
He had been travelling on official school business, which meant the school would pay to have his expensive, silver car fixed. But that also meant that it would come out of the school’s budget and that meant even more cuts on top of the new cuts. And budget cuts always put Principal George Miller in a bad mood.
MEANWHILE… BACK ON THE FIELD
After delivering the last of his newspapers Daniel rode back to school, parking his bike in the student bike lot before going to Curd Club.
Or at least he tried to go to Curd Club.
There was yellow tape all over the hallway blocking off half of the school, and there was water running down the floor. A note hung on the door.
NO CURD CLUB TODAY.
Daniel walked outside and down to the lacrosse field where he sat by himself on the bleachers. A few minutes later Molly walked out of the school and joined him.
“Did you see all the water?” Molly asked.
Daniel nodded. “What do you think is causing it?”
“I don’t know," Molly replied. “But I think he does.”
Marching down from the school was Principal Miller, who looked furious. He was followed by the school janitor, Mr. Strandell, who looked very angry. And they were both followed by Mrs. Venner, who looked furious, very angry, and very, very disappointed.
Mrs. Venner walked straight up to Daniel.
“I am sorry, Daniel, but there was an error in grading your first test. Instead of an ‘F’ you should have received an ‘A’. You are officially off academic probation.”
Daniel was elated and relieved.
“Go get your gear on," the coach shouted to Daniel, smiling. “We need you!”
Principal Miller glared at Cliff. “You, come with me!”
Cliff took off his helmet and tried to look as innocent as he could. But when you’ve done as many bad things as Cliff, it was hard to look anything other than guilty.
“And you, come with me.” Mr. Strandell said, pointing at Butch, which sort of took everyone by surprise because even though Butch was Cliff’s friend, he didn’t ever do anything particularly bad. At least not that anyone knew about.
Daniel ran to the locker room to grab his lacrosse stick and put on his gear as Principal Miller, Mr. Strandell, Mrs. Venner, Cliff and Butch all marched off the field, toward the principal’s office.
MEANWHILE… BACK ON THE FIELD
After delivering the last of his newspapers Daniel rode back to school, parking his bike in the student bike lot before going to Curd Club.
Or at least he tried to go to Curd Club.
There was yellow tape all over the hallway blocking off half of the school, and there was water running down the floor. A note hung on the door.
NO CURD CLUB TODAY.
Daniel walked outside and down to the lacrosse field where he sat by himself on the bleachers. A few minutes later Molly walked out of the school and joined him.
“Did you see all the water?” Molly asked.
Daniel nodded. “What do you think is causing it?”
“I don’t know," Molly replied. “But I think he does.”
Marching down from the school was Principal Miller, who looked furious. He was followed by the school janitor, Mr. Strandell, who looked very angry. And they were both followed by Mrs. Venner, who looked furious, very angry, and very, very disappointed.
Mrs. Venner walked straight up to Daniel.
“I am sorry, Daniel, but there was an error in grading your first test. Instead of an ‘F’ you should have received an ‘A’. You are officially off academic probation.”
Daniel was elated and relieved.
“Go get your gear on," the coach shouted to Daniel, smiling. “We need you!”
Principal Miller glared at Cliff. “You, come with me!”
Cliff took off his helmet and tried to look as innocent as he could. But when you’ve done as many bad things as Cliff, it was hard to look anything other than guilty.
“And you, come with me.” Mr. Strandell said, pointing at Butch, which sort of took everyone by surprise because even though Butch was Cliff’s friend, he didn’t ever do anything particularly bad. At least not that anyone knew about.
Daniel ran to the locker room to grab his lacrosse stick and put on his gear as Principal Miller, Mr. Strandell, Mrs. Venner, Cliff and Butch all marched off the field, toward the principal’s office.
MEANWHILE… INSIDE AN ALIEN SHIP
Klaxnor pushed a button on the space ship console and nothing happened. At least, nothing happened inside the ship.
Outside the ship, though, a lot happened. Specifically, the metal on the outside of the ship began to vibrate a bit faster. But as the vibration sped up the ship started to look different. In fact, it started to not look like a ship at all. The ship became a foggy image of a ship, then a wispy cloud, and then nothing at all.
To anyone standing outside, the ship was completely invisible!
What Klaxnor knew, and what people on Earth had yet to discover, was that everything in the physical universe vibrated. The atoms in your body, the quantum energy that made up the atoms in your body, the quantum energy that made up all solid objects, sound, light, and everything you could see, smell or touch was nothing more than a form of energy.
Now, energy usually vibrated at the speed of light and as any Splorgon elementary school student can tell you, when something reaches the speed of light it becomes invisible to the casual observer. So when anyone sees, hears or touches a physical object, it means that it’s made of energy that is vibrating just slightly slower than the speed of light. So all you needed to do to get something to turn invisible is to add a smidge more energy to it to get it to vibrate faster and reach the speed of light and, for all intents and purposes, disappear to anyone who isn’t also vibrating at the speed of light, which is pretty much everyone… in this dimension anyway.
The invisible Splorgon spaceship hovered over the third planet from the sun. It was a blue and green planet that looked a lot like the Splorgon home world, actually.
“Ready the antimatter cannon,” Klaxnor said.
The Splorgon crew flipped a few switches and pushed a few buttons and moments later an invisible canon emerged from the ship and pointed towards the planet below.
Klaxnor put his finger on the trigger. When he pulled back, the antimatter cannon would send a blast of energy towards the center of the planet, destroying it in seconds, clearing the way for the Splorgon home world.
As his finger slowly pulled back, one of the crew shouted, “Captain Klaxnor, look!”
On the screen in front of them was an image from the planet below, which the inhabitants called “Earth”. This particular image was of a large, green field with gently sloping hills. And there, on a hill, grazing on the grass, were large animals that looked just like blortflops!
“New orders,” shouted the captain. “First lunch, and THEN we destroy the planet!”
The Splorgon crew cheered loudly as they put away the antimatter cannon.
“Take us down to that field,” Captain Klaxnor commanded. “The one near that school.”
MEANWHILE… INSIDE AN ALIEN SHIP
Klaxnor pushed a button on the space ship console and nothing happened. At least, nothing happened inside the ship.
Outside the ship, though, a lot happened. Specifically, the metal on the outside of the ship began to vibrate a bit faster. But as the vibration sped up the ship started to look different. In fact, it started to not look like a ship at all. The ship became a foggy image of a ship, then a wispy cloud, and then nothing at all.
To anyone standing outside, the ship was completely invisible!
What Klaxnor knew, and what people on Earth had yet to discover, was that everything in the physical universe vibrated. The atoms in your body, the quantum energy that made up the atoms in your body, the quantum energy that made up all solid objects, sound, light, and everything you could see, smell or touch was nothing more than a form of energy.
Now, energy usually vibrated at the speed of light and as any Splorgon elementary school student can tell you, when something reaches the speed of light it becomes invisible to the casual observer. So when anyone sees, hears or touches a physical object, it means that it’s made of energy that is vibrating just slightly slower than the speed of light. So all you needed to do to get something to turn invisible is to add a smidge more energy to it to get it to vibrate faster and reach the speed of light and, for all intents and purposes, disappear to anyone who isn’t also vibrating at the speed of light, which is pretty much everyone… in this dimension anyway.
The invisible Splorgon spaceship hovered over the third planet from the sun. It was a blue and green planet that looked a lot like the Splorgon home world, actually.
“Ready the antimatter cannon,” Klaxnor said.
The Splorgon crew flipped a few switches and pushed a few buttons and moments later an invisible canon emerged from the ship and pointed towards the planet below.
Klaxnor put his finger on the trigger. When he pulled back, the antimatter cannon would send a blast of energy towards the center of the planet, destroying it in seconds, clearing the way for the Splorgon home world.
As his finger slowly pulled back, one of the crew shouted, “Captain Klaxnor, look!”
On the screen in front of them was an image from the planet below, which the inhabitants called “Earth”. This particular image was of a large, green field with gently sloping hills. And there, on a hill, grazing on the grass, were large animals that looked just like blortflops!
“New orders,” shouted the captain. “First lunch, and THEN we destroy the planet!”
The Splorgon crew cheered loudly as they put away the antimatter cannon.
“Take us down to that field,” Captain Klaxnor commanded. “The one near that school.”
MEANWHILE… BACK ON THE LACROSSE FIELD
Daniel sat down on the bleachers with the rest of his team as their coach walked across the lacrosse field.
“I’m afraid I have some bad news,” The coach told them. “Cliff Coopersmith has been expelled from school and can no longer play on the team.
Everyone gasped. It was good news as Cliff was a bully and no one really liked him, but it was shocking news all the same.
“What happened?” one of the players, Zach, asked.
“Apparently he was caught changing the grades on some of the other student’s tests. Normally that would be a week’s detention but I think something happened to the principal’s car so he was in a pretty bad mood and just expelled him.”
“That leaves just ten players. So at least we have enough people left to play as a team,” Zach said, relieved.
“Actually, I have some more bad news," the coach said. “Butch has also been expelled from school and is also off the team.”
“What happened?” Zach asked, again.
“Apparently he was caught taking shoes from the hallway where students lined them up.”
“That’s not so bad,” Zach said.
“He took those shoes into the boy’s bathroom and was stuffing them into the toilets, causing them to overflow and flood the school.”
Everyone gasped. Finally, the mystery of the flooded hallways was solved. But now there were only nine people left on the lacrosse team and they needed ten or they wouldn’t be allowed to compete against other teams.
“So now we have to find one more player. Any suggestions?”
Daniel raised his hand. “I know someone who would be great!”
“Who?” asked the coach, relieved.
“Her,” Daniel said, pointing across the field to where Molly was sitting with some of her Curd Club friends, watching the lacrosse practice.
“But a girl can’t play on the boys team,” the coach said, now looking not so relieved.
“If there is no girls’ team then girls can play on the boys’ team. I looked it up,” Daniel said.
“Fantastic!” the coach shouted, relieved again. “Suit up!” he yelled to Molly, indicating she should get dressed and ready to practice.
Daniel ran over to Molly to explain what had just happened. Since there was no more Curd Club, at least until Mr. Strandell cleaned up all the toilet water from the floors, she was happy to play lacrosse.
“Now,” said the coach. “That makes ten players. Three attack, three midfielders, three defense, and one goalie. As long as no one else gets hurt we’ll be able to compete in the Big Game!”
PART THREE
In which someone gets hurt and can’t play on the lacrosse team,
Daniel makes it to the big game, aliens attack, a lost
Inuit returns home, and a good man finds the job of his dreams.
In which someone gets hurt and can’t play on the lacrosse team,
Daniel makes it to the big game, aliens attack, a lost
Inuit returns home, and a good man finds the job of his dreams.
INSIDE THE LOCAL CURD SHOP
It was early in the morning when Klaxnor and his crew landed in the great, green field. They were prepared to eat every single blortflop, which the Earthlings called “cows” that were there. But the last time they ate that many blortflops, Klaxnor and his crew got pretty thirsty. So this time they decided they should bring some water with them.
There were no streams or lakes near the field so that was out. And the best water on the planet was from glaciers up in the arctic, but that was too far away. Their ship had found some pretty great bottled water in Peru but that, too, was a long way off.
They did notice a local Cheese Curd Shop, though, that sold bottled water. A sign over the door read, “Carl’s Curds”.
“Okay,” Klaxnor whispered so as not to wake to owner, Carl, who lived in an apartment above the store. “We go in, take all the bottled water, eat all the blortflops, then destroy the planet.”
“Agreed!” whispered the men.
The aliens broke into the store and ran up to a display with a picture of a man named Arturo del Rio underneath a sign that read, “Artic Agua – The World’s Best Water!” The aliens filled their arms with all of the water bottles they could carry. But as they made their way toward the door Klaxnor saw a sample plate with little, yellow chunks on it. A small paper sign shaped like an arrow pointed to the plate. The sign read, “Cheese Curds… Try One!”
So Klaxnor did.
He popped a curd into his mouth and bit down on the soft, chewy, delicious blob of cheese.
“These are delicious! Fellow Splorgons, you must all try one of these… curds!”
A few seconds later the plate was emptied of its curds and the aliens were standing around chewing.
Now the thing about curds that any Curd Club member can tell you is that curds squeak when you chew them. At least the good curds do. And Carl made the best cheese curds in the entire state of Wisconsin. So they squeaked… a lot.
Now the thing about Splorgons, as any Splorgon dentist can tell you, is that they don’t just have one row of teeth like humans. And they don’t have two rows of teeth like, say, sharks. What they do have is many, many rows of teeth that extend all the way down their throat and into their stomachs, which was how they could eat such large quantities of blortflops at one time.
So what happened next was both understandable and unfortunate for the Splorgons.
As they chewed and chewed the wonderful cheese clumps, the curds began to squeak. And as the curds moved down row after row of teeth the curds squeaked faster and louder until the Splorgons were making a lot of noise in the quiet shop.
From upstairs they heard a voice yell out, “Who’s there?”
“It’s Carl the curd shop owner!” Klaxnor said over his squeaky curd chewing.
Because they were making so much noise, and because they were in such a hurry to get out of the shop, the Splorgons were not as careful as they might have been when running back to their invisible ship waiting for them in the nearby field.
When Klaxnor ran out of Carl’s Curd Shop, he was squeaking and running and could barely see over the armful of water bottles he was carrying, which was why he ran into the boy who was walking to school, knocking him to the curb.
“Ow!” the boy shouted. “I think you broke my arm!”
INSIDE THE LOCAL CURD SHOP
It was early in the morning when Klaxnor and his crew landed in the great, green field. They were prepared to eat every single blortflop, which the Earthlings called “cows” that were there. But the last time they ate that many blortflops, Klaxnor and his crew got pretty thirsty. So this time they decided they should bring some water with them.
There were no streams or lakes near the field so that was out. And the best water on the planet was from glaciers up in the arctic, but that was too far away. Their ship had found some pretty great bottled water in Peru but that, too, was a long way off.
They did notice a local Cheese Curd Shop, though, that sold bottled water. A sign over the door read, “Carl’s Curds”.
“Okay,” Klaxnor whispered so as not to wake to owner, Carl, who lived in an apartment above the store. “We go in, take all the bottled water, eat all the blortflops, then destroy the planet.”
“Agreed!” whispered the men.
The aliens broke into the store and ran up to a display with a picture of a man named Arturo del Rio underneath a sign that read, “Artic Agua – The World’s Best Water!” The aliens filled their arms with all of the water bottles they could carry. But as they made their way toward the door Klaxnor saw a sample plate with little, yellow chunks on it. A small paper sign shaped like an arrow pointed to the plate. The sign read, “Cheese Curds… Try One!”
So Klaxnor did.
He popped a curd into his mouth and bit down on the soft, chewy, delicious blob of cheese.
“These are delicious! Fellow Splorgons, you must all try one of these… curds!”
A few seconds later the plate was emptied of its curds and the aliens were standing around chewing.
Now the thing about curds that any Curd Club member can tell you is that curds squeak when you chew them. At least the good curds do. And Carl made the best cheese curds in the entire state of Wisconsin. So they squeaked… a lot.
Now the thing about Splorgons, as any Splorgon dentist can tell you, is that they don’t just have one row of teeth like humans. And they don’t have two rows of teeth like, say, sharks. What they do have is many, many rows of teeth that extend all the way down their throat and into their stomachs, which was how they could eat such large quantities of blortflops at one time.
So what happened next was both understandable and unfortunate for the Splorgons.
As they chewed and chewed the wonderful cheese clumps, the curds began to squeak. And as the curds moved down row after row of teeth the curds squeaked faster and louder until the Splorgons were making a lot of noise in the quiet shop.
From upstairs they heard a voice yell out, “Who’s there?”
“It’s Carl the curd shop owner!” Klaxnor said over his squeaky curd chewing.
Because they were making so much noise, and because they were in such a hurry to get out of the shop, the Splorgons were not as careful as they might have been when running back to their invisible ship waiting for them in the nearby field.
When Klaxnor ran out of Carl’s Curd Shop, he was squeaking and running and could barely see over the armful of water bottles he was carrying, which was why he ran into the boy who was walking to school, knocking him to the curb.
“Ow!” the boy shouted. “I think you broke my arm!”
MEANWHILE… IN DANIEL’S LIVING ROOM
Daniel stopped by Molly and Martin’s house on the way to school. Since Molly was now on the lacrosse team she wanted to get some more exercise and was going to start walking with Daniel.
When Daniel got to their house Molly was putting on her shoes and Martin was watching television. On the TV a news reporter was standing in front of a building.
“Hey, that’s Carl’s Curd Shop!” Molly said.
“Hey, that’s Zach!” Daniel said, pointing at the person the reporter was interviewing. Zach looked shaken up, and his arm was in a sling.
“So what happened next?” the reporter asked Zach.
“I was just minding my own business, walking to school, when aliens attacked me! I tried to fight them off and I was able to chase them away, but not before they broke my arm.” At this, Daniel held up his sling for the camera.
“An amazing act of heroism by an amazing young man,” said the reporter, who then went on to interview Carl about the break-in at his curd shop.
“If Zach’s arm is broken then he won’t be able to play in the big game tomorrow,” Molly said.
“Do you really believe aliens attacked him?” Daniel asked her.
“It doesn’t matter what I believe. It only matters what Zach believes. And if he believes his arm is broken and he can’t play, then North La Crosse Elementary is not going to be able to compete in the big game.”
Daniel and Molly didn’t know what they were going to do, so they decided to just keep moving forward.
“Martin, do you want to walk to school with us?”
Martin considered this for a second and then said, “No thanks. There’s something I need to do.”
With that, Martin turned on his PlayBox 720 video game and inserted a disc.
Daniel and Molly walked out the front door and down the road towards school.
MEANWHILE… IN DANIEL’S LIVING ROOM
Daniel stopped by Molly and Martin’s house on the way to school. Since Molly was now on the lacrosse team she wanted to get some more exercise and was going to start walking with Daniel.
When Daniel got to their house Molly was putting on her shoes and Martin was watching television. On the TV a news reporter was standing in front of a building.
“Hey, that’s Carl’s Curd Shop!” Molly said.
“Hey, that’s Zach!” Daniel said, pointing at the person the reporter was interviewing. Zach looked shaken up, and his arm was in a sling.
“So what happened next?” the reporter asked Zach.
“I was just minding my own business, walking to school, when aliens attacked me! I tried to fight them off and I was able to chase them away, but not before they broke my arm.” At this, Daniel held up his sling for the camera.
“An amazing act of heroism by an amazing young man,” said the reporter, who then went on to interview Carl about the break-in at his curd shop.
“If Zach’s arm is broken then he won’t be able to play in the big game tomorrow,” Molly said.
“Do you really believe aliens attacked him?” Daniel asked her.
“It doesn’t matter what I believe. It only matters what Zach believes. And if he believes his arm is broken and he can’t play, then North La Crosse Elementary is not going to be able to compete in the big game.”
Daniel and Molly didn’t know what they were going to do, so they decided to just keep moving forward.
“Martin, do you want to walk to school with us?”
Martin considered this for a second and then said, “No thanks. There’s something I need to do.”
With that, Martin turned on his PlayBox 720 video game and inserted a disc.
Daniel and Molly walked out the front door and down the road towards school.
MEANWHILE… BACK AT THE SCHOOL
For thirty-five years Mr. Gould had been the North La Crosse Elementary School maintenance man. Mr. Gould would fix the air conditioning or the heating, repair the kitchen equipment in the cafeteria, reset all of the clocks when it was daylight savings time, and a bunch of other jobs that required skill and expertise.
Because of budget cuts, though, the school had never replaced Mr. Gould when he retired. This meant that Mr. Strandell was now both the school janitor AND the maintenance man.
That meant that it was now his job to install the huge, new scoreboard that had just arrived from a place called, “Delbert’s Discount Deals.”
The scoreboard was made of metal and had been painted black, but lots of the paint had already flecked off.
The sign had lots of light bulbs that were supposed to flash the score of the home and away teams, light up to tell which quarter it was, and so on, but many of the light bulbs were broken.
Worst of all, though, when Mr. Strandell finally got the sign standing up and poured the cement to lock it into place, he noticed a big problem.
“The sign’s not safe,” Mr. Strandell told the principal. “One of the legs holding it up has a lot of corrosion.”
“What’s that?” asked Principal Miller.
“It’s a fancy way of saying it’s rusted,” Mr. Strandell explained. “It’s not safe, and could come crashing down.”
“Nonsense,” said the principal. “I bought it off the internet so it must be fine. Besides, we just need it for the big lacrosse game tomorrow and then we can take it down."
Mr. Strandell was worried but it was his job to do what the principal said. So instead of arguing he simply went to his maintenance closet, grabbed a few dozen light bulbs, and brought them out to the scoreboard to replace all of the broken ones.
MEANWHILE… BACK AT THE SCHOOL
For thirty-five years Mr. Gould had been the North La Crosse Elementary School maintenance man. Mr. Gould would fix the air conditioning or the heating, repair the kitchen equipment in the cafeteria, reset all of the clocks when it was daylight savings time, and a bunch of other jobs that required skill and expertise.
Because of budget cuts, though, the school had never replaced Mr. Gould when he retired. This meant that Mr. Strandell was now both the school janitor AND the maintenance man.
That meant that it was now his job to install the huge, new scoreboard that had just arrived from a place called, “Delbert’s Discount Deals.”
The scoreboard was made of metal and had been painted black, but lots of the paint had already flecked off.
The sign had lots of light bulbs that were supposed to flash the score of the home and away teams, light up to tell which quarter it was, and so on, but many of the light bulbs were broken.
Worst of all, though, when Mr. Strandell finally got the sign standing up and poured the cement to lock it into place, he noticed a big problem.
“The sign’s not safe,” Mr. Strandell told the principal. “One of the legs holding it up has a lot of corrosion.”
“What’s that?” asked Principal Miller.
“It’s a fancy way of saying it’s rusted,” Mr. Strandell explained. “It’s not safe, and could come crashing down.”
“Nonsense,” said the principal. “I bought it off the internet so it must be fine. Besides, we just need it for the big lacrosse game tomorrow and then we can take it down."
Mr. Strandell was worried but it was his job to do what the principal said. So instead of arguing he simply went to his maintenance closet, grabbed a few dozen light bulbs, and brought them out to the scoreboard to replace all of the broken ones.
MEANWHILE… ON THE DAY OF THE BIG GAME
All day at school Daniel had a hard time concentrating. He was excited for the big game but he was also worried because if Zach couldn’t play, then that meant North La Crosse Elementary would have to forfeit the game, which is a fancy way of saying they would have to give up without even playing.
Daniel’s fears were confirmed after school when he walked out onto the field in his uniform. Eight other players were there which, including Daniel, made nine. Their tenth player was missing.
“I’m sorry,” said the coach. “It looks like aliens attacked Zach and broke his arm so he can’t play. We’re going to have to forfeit the game.”
“Isn’t there anything we can do?” asked Molly.
“I’m afraid not. Nine players just isn’t enough. I’ll let the other team know.” The coach jogged over to meet the bus from South La Crosse Elementary as it was pulling up to the field.
Daniel and his team were sad that they weren’t going to be able to play, but their sadness turned to anger when they saw the South La Crosse Elementary players getting off the bus. The first eight players all looked pretty normal, but it was number nine and number ten that caused Daniel and his team to become upset.
Stepping off the South La Crosse Elementary bus wearing South La Crosse Elementary lacrosse team uniforms were Cliff and Butch!
Cliff walked over to Daniel and the rest of the team.
“Bet you thought you’d seen the last of us,” Cliff sneered.
“Hoped was more like it,” Daniel responded. “What are you doing here anyway?”
“When Principal Miller expelled me and Butch we were sent to the next closest school. And when their coach found out we played lacrosse, he signed us up right away. Apparently they only had eight players and were going to have to forfeit.”
What Cliff failed to mention was that their South La Crosse Elementary Lacrosse team actually had ten players, but when he and Butch were sent to their new school they wanted to get onto the lacrosse team and so they hatched a plan.
It hadn’t been a very complicated or nice plan, but it had worked.
Cliff shook hands with one of the lacrosse players so hard he broke their fingers. And Butch hid in some bushes as another lacrosse player was riding his bike home. When the lacrosse player rode by, Butch simply stuck out a stick, which stuck in the spokes, causing the boy to fly over the handlebars and land on his head. And just like that, two players went to the hospital, and Cliff and Butch were on the team.
Daniel looked around and saw that the stands were starting to fill up with people coming out to watch the big game. Some were clapping while others were cheering their favorite team or player.
Daniel found that he was focusing on the negative things, like Cliff and Butch, and not being able to play because they only had nine players. Daniel realized that it really didn’t matter if they were on the other team. At least not much. And the game wasn’t due to start for another twenty minutes, so even though it was a long shot, there still might be a chance.
Daniel decided, then and there, to just focus on all the good things that had happened, and the good friends who had helped him along the way. Daniel though about all the fun he was going to have in the game, and what it would feel like when he scored the winning goal!
He would leave the rest of the things he couldn’t control to the universe to take care of. And he would know that, no matter what happened, everything would turn out the way it did for a reason, even if he didn’t necessarily know what that reason was.
MEANWHILE… ON THE DAY OF THE BIG GAME
All day at school Daniel had a hard time concentrating. He was excited for the big game but he was also worried because if Zach couldn’t play, then that meant North La Crosse Elementary would have to forfeit the game, which is a fancy way of saying they would have to give up without even playing.
Daniel’s fears were confirmed after school when he walked out onto the field in his uniform. Eight other players were there which, including Daniel, made nine. Their tenth player was missing.
“I’m sorry,” said the coach. “It looks like aliens attacked Zach and broke his arm so he can’t play. We’re going to have to forfeit the game.”
“Isn’t there anything we can do?” asked Molly.
“I’m afraid not. Nine players just isn’t enough. I’ll let the other team know.” The coach jogged over to meet the bus from South La Crosse Elementary as it was pulling up to the field.
Daniel and his team were sad that they weren’t going to be able to play, but their sadness turned to anger when they saw the South La Crosse Elementary players getting off the bus. The first eight players all looked pretty normal, but it was number nine and number ten that caused Daniel and his team to become upset.
Stepping off the South La Crosse Elementary bus wearing South La Crosse Elementary lacrosse team uniforms were Cliff and Butch!
Cliff walked over to Daniel and the rest of the team.
“Bet you thought you’d seen the last of us,” Cliff sneered.
“Hoped was more like it,” Daniel responded. “What are you doing here anyway?”
“When Principal Miller expelled me and Butch we were sent to the next closest school. And when their coach found out we played lacrosse, he signed us up right away. Apparently they only had eight players and were going to have to forfeit.”
What Cliff failed to mention was that their South La Crosse Elementary Lacrosse team actually had ten players, but when he and Butch were sent to their new school they wanted to get onto the lacrosse team and so they hatched a plan.
It hadn’t been a very complicated or nice plan, but it had worked.
Cliff shook hands with one of the lacrosse players so hard he broke their fingers. And Butch hid in some bushes as another lacrosse player was riding his bike home. When the lacrosse player rode by, Butch simply stuck out a stick, which stuck in the spokes, causing the boy to fly over the handlebars and land on his head. And just like that, two players went to the hospital, and Cliff and Butch were on the team.
Daniel looked around and saw that the stands were starting to fill up with people coming out to watch the big game. Some were clapping while others were cheering their favorite team or player.
Daniel found that he was focusing on the negative things, like Cliff and Butch, and not being able to play because they only had nine players. Daniel realized that it really didn’t matter if they were on the other team. At least not much. And the game wasn’t due to start for another twenty minutes, so even though it was a long shot, there still might be a chance.
Daniel decided, then and there, to just focus on all the good things that had happened, and the good friends who had helped him along the way. Daniel though about all the fun he was going to have in the game, and what it would feel like when he scored the winning goal!
He would leave the rest of the things he couldn’t control to the universe to take care of. And he would know that, no matter what happened, everything would turn out the way it did for a reason, even if he didn’t necessarily know what that reason was.
MEANWHILE… INSIDE THE ALIEN SHIP
In the known universe there were no creatures more feared or despised than Splorgons. They were small and cute and generally a nice enough group if you were a Splorgon, but if you were, say, anything other than a Splorgon, like a blortflop or a human, chances were that a Splorgon would open his mouth, revealing row after row of NOT small and NOT cute teeth, and eat you.
And this was exactly the plan they were hatching in their ship on the hill overlooking the school.
“Prepare to lift off into orbit, and fire the anti-matter cannons!” Klaxnor squeaked to the crew, squeaking because there were still some bits of cheese curds stuck back between his twenty-ninth and thirtieth row of teeth, somewhere near his stomach.
Normally you are not supposed to argue, interrupt, or otherwise say anything to the captain of any ship or else you risk getting into a lot of trouble. It was true of ships on Earth, and it was true of spaceships on Splorgon. But the Splorgonians actually did allow a crew member to argue, interrupt and say whatever they liked for one reason and one reason only.
Food.
And that was what happened as Klaxnor squeaked out the command to destroy the planet Earth.
“Sir,” squeaked the Splorgon crewmember who also had cheese curds stuck somewhere in his teeth. “Look, over there by that field with the white lines.”
Klaxnor looked and saw a rectangular field that was starting to fill up with humans. This was good luck because when he and his crew had returned from their trip to get the bottled water they found that the blortflops were gone. And now he and his crew were hungrier than ever.
“New plan!” Klaxnor shout/squeaked. “Move our ship next to the field and we will capture all the humans, eat them for lunch, and then fly into orbit and destroy the planet.”
“Hooray!” shouted/squeaked the Splorgon crew, who were both interested to see what humans tasted like and were desperate to eat something, anything that would get the curds out of their mouths so they could stop squeaking.
The pilot checked to make sure the ship was still invisible from the outside, and flew the craft over to the field, landing right behind a giant scoreboard.
MEANWHILE… INSIDE THE ALIEN SHIP
In the known universe there were no creatures more feared or despised than Splorgons. They were small and cute and generally a nice enough group if you were a Splorgon, but if you were, say, anything other than a Splorgon, like a blortflop or a human, chances were that a Splorgon would open his mouth, revealing row after row of NOT small and NOT cute teeth, and eat you.
And this was exactly the plan they were hatching in their ship on the hill overlooking the school.
“Prepare to lift off into orbit, and fire the anti-matter cannons!” Klaxnor squeaked to the crew, squeaking because there were still some bits of cheese curds stuck back between his twenty-ninth and thirtieth row of teeth, somewhere near his stomach.
Normally you are not supposed to argue, interrupt, or otherwise say anything to the captain of any ship or else you risk getting into a lot of trouble. It was true of ships on Earth, and it was true of spaceships on Splorgon. But the Splorgonians actually did allow a crew member to argue, interrupt and say whatever they liked for one reason and one reason only.
Food.
And that was what happened as Klaxnor squeaked out the command to destroy the planet Earth.
“Sir,” squeaked the Splorgon crewmember who also had cheese curds stuck somewhere in his teeth. “Look, over there by that field with the white lines.”
Klaxnor looked and saw a rectangular field that was starting to fill up with humans. This was good luck because when he and his crew had returned from their trip to get the bottled water they found that the blortflops were gone. And now he and his crew were hungrier than ever.
“New plan!” Klaxnor shout/squeaked. “Move our ship next to the field and we will capture all the humans, eat them for lunch, and then fly into orbit and destroy the planet.”
“Hooray!” shouted/squeaked the Splorgon crew, who were both interested to see what humans tasted like and were desperate to eat something, anything that would get the curds out of their mouths so they could stop squeaking.
The pilot checked to make sure the ship was still invisible from the outside, and flew the craft over to the field, landing right behind a giant scoreboard.
MEANWHILE… BACK ON THE LACROSSE FIELD
Daniel was trying to think positively, of how it would feel throwing the ball to his teammates and scoring the game winning goal. He pictured it perfectly in his mind and in his heart.
He would line up in front of the goal about thirty feet out and he would throw a perfect overhand shot that would just barely touch the upper right corner of the goal, make a loud clanging sound, and ricochet (which is a fancy was for saying “bounce”) into the goal to win the game!
He imagined it so vividly he could hear the sound of the stick as it whooshed by his head when he threw the ball. He could see the orange goal and white net perfectly as the ball clanged off the post and went in. He could hear the roar of the crowd, cheering.
But a nagging thought woke Daniel from his daydreaming. He found that it was difficult to keep thinking positively and imagining the way he wanted things to go knowing that there might not even be a game at all.
“Isn’t there anything we can do?” Molly asked the coach. “It just wouldn’t be fair if we had to forfeit the game.”
“Not unless you know someone who can play lacrosse and can fill in at the last minute,” the coach explained.
“Hey,” said a voice behind Daniel. Daniel turned around and saw Martin standing behind him.
“Hey, Martin,” Daniel said, turning and barely noticing that Daniel was dressed in the North La Crosse Elementary lacrosse team uniform.
It took a moment for Daniel’s brain to catch up but when it did, he spun around to face his friend.
“Why are you in our uniform?” Daniel asked.
“I knew you guys were down a player so I thought I’d give you a hand.”
“Do you even know how to play lacrosse?” the coach asked.
“I played a lacrosse video game this morning before school,” Martin explained.
“Good enough for me!” said the coach, who jogged back to the South La Crosse Elementary lacrosse team coach to tell him that the big game was still on!
MEANWHILE… BACK ON THE LACROSSE FIELD
Daniel was trying to think positively, of how it would feel throwing the ball to his teammates and scoring the game winning goal. He pictured it perfectly in his mind and in his heart.
He would line up in front of the goal about thirty feet out and he would throw a perfect overhand shot that would just barely touch the upper right corner of the goal, make a loud clanging sound, and ricochet (which is a fancy was for saying “bounce”) into the goal to win the game!
He imagined it so vividly he could hear the sound of the stick as it whooshed by his head when he threw the ball. He could see the orange goal and white net perfectly as the ball clanged off the post and went in. He could hear the roar of the crowd, cheering.
But a nagging thought woke Daniel from his daydreaming. He found that it was difficult to keep thinking positively and imagining the way he wanted things to go knowing that there might not even be a game at all.
“Isn’t there anything we can do?” Molly asked the coach. “It just wouldn’t be fair if we had to forfeit the game.”
“Not unless you know someone who can play lacrosse and can fill in at the last minute,” the coach explained.
“Hey,” said a voice behind Daniel. Daniel turned around and saw Martin standing behind him.
“Hey, Martin,” Daniel said, turning and barely noticing that Daniel was dressed in the North La Crosse Elementary lacrosse team uniform.
It took a moment for Daniel’s brain to catch up but when it did, he spun around to face his friend.
“Why are you in our uniform?” Daniel asked.
“I knew you guys were down a player so I thought I’d give you a hand.”
“Do you even know how to play lacrosse?” the coach asked.
“I played a lacrosse video game this morning before school,” Martin explained.
“Good enough for me!” said the coach, who jogged back to the South La Crosse Elementary lacrosse team coach to tell him that the big game was still on!
MEANWHILE… INSIDE THE ALIEN SHIP
Klaxnor and his crew held their ray guns to their sides and prepared to jump out of the ship, shooting and eating as many humans as they could find before lifting off to destroy the entire planet.
Klaxnor curled his hand around the door latch, gripping it tightly.
“One…”
MEANWHILE… BACK AT THE BIG GAME
Daniel and his team ran up and down the field, shooting and blocking, while South La Crosse Elementary also ran up and down the field shooting and blocking.
By the end of the second quarter Cliff’s team was ahead with a score of one to nothing.
Daniel and his team were becoming frustrated because Cliff and Butch were cheating, holding on to Daniel’s uniform so he couldn’t shoot properly, hitting him in the helmet with their sticks, and other nasty things whenever the referee was looking in the other direction.
Daniel’s coach talked to the referee between quarters, who promised to pay closer attention to Cliff and Butch. But it didn’t help.
MEANWHILE… BACK AT THE BIG GAME
Daniel and his team ran up and down the field, shooting and blocking, while South La Crosse Elementary also ran up and down the field shooting and blocking.
By the end of the second quarter Cliff’s team was ahead with a score of one to nothing.
Daniel and his team were becoming frustrated because Cliff and Butch were cheating, holding on to Daniel’s uniform so he couldn’t shoot properly, hitting him in the helmet with their sticks, and other nasty things whenever the referee was looking in the other direction.
Daniel’s coach talked to the referee between quarters, who promised to pay closer attention to Cliff and Butch. But it didn’t help.
MEANWHILE… INSIDE THE ALIEN SHIP
“Two…”
MEANWHILE… INSIDE THE ALIEN SHIP
“Two…”
MEANWHILE… BACK AT THE BIG GAME
Martin was doing a great job, especially since he had never actually played lacrosse on anything other than a video game before. Daniel hadn’t had a chance to score yet because Cliff and Butch were blocking and tripping him.
In the middle of the fourth quarter the referee finally called a penalty on them and made them each sit out for two minutes. During that time Daniel was still blocked, which allowed Molly to run around without anyone stopping her. She lined up in front of the goal and scored for North La Crosse Elementary on a low, ground shot, tying the game up at one to one!
A few minutes later Cliff and Butch were back in the game, and the clock was ticking down.
And then it happened.
Just like he imagined it would.
The South La Crosse Elementary players ran around blocking Molly, Martin, and the rest of the team. Cliff and Butch ran in from the sideline and back into the game after their penalty and they had a nasty, evil look in their eyes.
Daniel, however, wasn’t worried. He knew things would work out just as he had imagined them.
Daniel was lined up in front of the goal about thirty feet out. Before Cliff and Butch could reach him he wound up and threw a perfect overhand shot.
Daniel heard the sound of the stick as it whooshed by his head when he threw the ball. He saw the orange goal and white net perfectly as the ball shot past the upper right corner, barely missing the goal.
A huge, “Awww…” erupted from the crowd.
It was a shot he had made many times before, so Daniel wasn’t sure why he had missed it this time. Looking down at his stick he saw the reason. The shoe lace string on his stick wasn’t knotted correctly, and had started to unravel. This caused the mesh pocket that the ball rested in to loosen ever so slightly, which caused the ball to miss the goal by the smallest of fractions, although it definitely hit something else.
The lacrosse ball hit the new scoreboard at the edge of the field on the exact spot where it was corroded which, as Mr. Strandell already explained to you, was where the sign was heavily rusted.
There was a loud clang as the lacrosse ball ricocheted off the metal frame and flew off into the distance.
There was no roar from the crowd. There was no cheering from his team. Daniel had missed the goal. It had not played out exactly like he had pictured it in his head.
But that paled compared to what happened next…
MEANWHILE… BACK AT THE BIG GAME
Martin was doing a great job, especially since he had never actually played lacrosse on anything other than a video game before. Daniel hadn’t had a chance to score yet because Cliff and Butch were blocking and tripping him.
In the middle of the fourth quarter the referee finally called a penalty on them and made them each sit out for two minutes. During that time Daniel was still blocked, which allowed Molly to run around without anyone stopping her. She lined up in front of the goal and scored for North La Crosse Elementary on a low, ground shot, tying the game up at one to one!
A few minutes later Cliff and Butch were back in the game, and the clock was ticking down.
And then it happened.
Just like he imagined it would.
The South La Crosse Elementary players ran around blocking Molly, Martin, and the rest of the team. Cliff and Butch ran in from the sideline and back into the game after their penalty and they had a nasty, evil look in their eyes.
Daniel, however, wasn’t worried. He knew things would work out just as he had imagined them.
Daniel was lined up in front of the goal about thirty feet out. Before Cliff and Butch could reach him he wound up and threw a perfect overhand shot.
Daniel heard the sound of the stick as it whooshed by his head when he threw the ball. He saw the orange goal and white net perfectly as the ball shot past the upper right corner, barely missing the goal.
A huge, “Awww…” erupted from the crowd.
It was a shot he had made many times before, so Daniel wasn’t sure why he had missed it this time. Looking down at his stick he saw the reason. The shoe lace string on his stick wasn’t knotted correctly, and had started to unravel. This caused the mesh pocket that the ball rested in to loosen ever so slightly, which caused the ball to miss the goal by the smallest of fractions, although it definitely hit something else.
The lacrosse ball hit the new scoreboard at the edge of the field on the exact spot where it was corroded which, as Mr. Strandell already explained to you, was where the sign was heavily rusted.
There was a loud clang as the lacrosse ball ricocheted off the metal frame and flew off into the distance.
There was no roar from the crowd. There was no cheering from his team. Daniel had missed the goal. It had not played out exactly like he had pictured it in his head.
But that paled compared to what happened next…
MEANWHILE… INSIDE THE ALIEN SHIP
“…Three!”
Klaxnor turned the handle as he and his crew ran out of the spaceship’s hatch and onto the top of the spaceship, ray guns at the ready, looking for their first human to eat.
MEANWHILE… BACK AT THE BIG GAME
The new scoreboard was so corroded where the lacrosse ball hit it that the force of the ball caused the metal to buckle under the weight of the frame and the entire massive structure fell over!
The sign collapsed backwards as it fell to the ground. There was a tremendous CRUNCH sound as the metal sign landed on… something. It was hard to make out but it appeared as though the sign was suspended a few feet off the ground.
“Look,” Zach said, sitting in the crowd with his arm in a sling, “There they are. Aliens!”
And there, as plain as day, were five small, green aliens running away, squeaking from their ship, which had been smashed to pieces by the falling sign.
A horn blared, indicating that time had run out and the game was over.
South La Crosse Elementary and North La Crosse Elementary had tied, one to one, with neither team winning, but neither team losing.
It didn’t feel like the victory he had imagined, but it still felt like a victory to Daniel.
Both teams congratulated one other, high fiving as they passed and saying, “Good game”. Daniel was looking for Cliff and Butch but they were not in the line.
Daniel looked around but didn’t see them on the field or in the crowd.
And then he heard someone shout, “Hey, those two kids are stealing that bus!”
And sure enough, in the school parking lot, Cliff and Butch were riding off down the street, with the bus driver chasing after them, getting into more trouble than ever.
MEANWHILE… BACK AT THE BIG GAME
The new scoreboard was so corroded where the lacrosse ball hit it that the force of the ball caused the metal to buckle under the weight of the frame and the entire massive structure fell over!
The sign collapsed backwards as it fell to the ground. There was a tremendous CRUNCH sound as the metal sign landed on… something. It was hard to make out but it appeared as though the sign was suspended a few feet off the ground.
“Look,” Zach said, sitting in the crowd with his arm in a sling, “There they are. Aliens!”
And there, as plain as day, were five small, green aliens running away, squeaking from their ship, which had been smashed to pieces by the falling sign.
A horn blared, indicating that time had run out and the game was over.
South La Crosse Elementary and North La Crosse Elementary had tied, one to one, with neither team winning, but neither team losing.
It didn’t feel like the victory he had imagined, but it still felt like a victory to Daniel.
Both teams congratulated one other, high fiving as they passed and saying, “Good game”. Daniel was looking for Cliff and Butch but they were not in the line.
Daniel looked around but didn’t see them on the field or in the crowd.
And then he heard someone shout, “Hey, those two kids are stealing that bus!”
And sure enough, in the school parking lot, Cliff and Butch were riding off down the street, with the bus driver chasing after them, getting into more trouble than ever.
MEANWHILE… IN CHAIWAN
When Fen Mian had watched the butterfly flapping it’s wings on the ledge outside his window, he had been so distracted by the insect’s beauty and grace that he had not tied the knot correctly on the lacrosse stick he’d been working on.
And because the lacrosse stick had been knotted incorrectly it had caused a young boy in Wisconsin to miss the winning goal in a big game… which saved the world.
Neither Fen nor anyone else knew the importance of two Inuits nose-kissing that heated up a glacier causing it to split into an iceberg, or the Peruvian businessman who strapped a motor on an iceberg which put it in front of a boat causing it to crash and dump it’s cargo into the sea.
No one would know the significance of the man on a beach in Oregon with the metal detector finding the sports equipment and starting a website that sold a lacrosse stick and a rusty score board to a couple of people in Wisconsin, or of an exploding sun a billion miles away that caused a race of aliens to seek out a new orbit around a new sun they could call home.
If any one of these things, and a million more things just like them, had not happened exactly as they did, things would have turned out differently for everyone.
But Fen would never know any of this.
What Fen did know was that when he lost his job at the factory he suddenly found himself with plenty of time to go to the library to read up on his favorite topic… noodles.
Fen taught himself the ancient art of noodle making, practicing the craft over and over. As he practiced he found that the key to good noodles was using good ingredients and boiling them in good water.
And Fen had found the best water in the whole world, called “Arctic Agua”, from a place in Peru.
Because of the water, and his passion for noodle-making, Fen quickly found that his noodles were becoming more and more popular.
So much so that people were asking him for his secret recipe so that they could open up their own Fen’s Noodle Huts all over the world!
MEANWHILE… IN CHAIWAN
When Fen Mian had watched the butterfly flapping it’s wings on the ledge outside his window, he had been so distracted by the insect’s beauty and grace that he had not tied the knot correctly on the lacrosse stick he’d been working on.
And because the lacrosse stick had been knotted incorrectly it had caused a young boy in Wisconsin to miss the winning goal in a big game… which saved the world.
Neither Fen nor anyone else knew the importance of two Inuits nose-kissing that heated up a glacier causing it to split into an iceberg, or the Peruvian businessman who strapped a motor on an iceberg which put it in front of a boat causing it to crash and dump it’s cargo into the sea.
No one would know the significance of the man on a beach in Oregon with the metal detector finding the sports equipment and starting a website that sold a lacrosse stick and a rusty score board to a couple of people in Wisconsin, or of an exploding sun a billion miles away that caused a race of aliens to seek out a new orbit around a new sun they could call home.
If any one of these things, and a million more things just like them, had not happened exactly as they did, things would have turned out differently for everyone.
But Fen would never know any of this.
What Fen did know was that when he lost his job at the factory he suddenly found himself with plenty of time to go to the library to read up on his favorite topic… noodles.
Fen taught himself the ancient art of noodle making, practicing the craft over and over. As he practiced he found that the key to good noodles was using good ingredients and boiling them in good water.
And Fen had found the best water in the whole world, called “Arctic Agua”, from a place in Peru.
Because of the water, and his passion for noodle-making, Fen quickly found that his noodles were becoming more and more popular.
So much so that people were asking him for his secret recipe so that they could open up their own Fen’s Noodle Huts all over the world!
MEANWHILE… BACK ON THE FIELD
Principal Miller held a microphone in one hand and an envelope in another as he stood in the center of the lacrosse field after the big game.
“I would like to congratulate both our team, North La Crosse Elementary, and our cross-town rivals, South La Crosse Elementary, on playing a great game.”
South La Crosse Elementary was supposed to be standing on the field to hear this, but they had run off to try and get their bus back from Cliff and Butch since they had no other way to get home.
“I was going to award a trophy,” he continued, “But since the game was tied, I am going to return it to the trophy store where I bought it.”
Principal Miller went on to mention something about budget cuts but no one was really listening. The alien space ship was now visible and lying in a crumpled, smoking heap underneath the scoreboard. People who had come to watch the game were now running all over the bleachers and the field screaming that aliens were attacking, even though the aliens had all clearly run off into the woods.
“I would now like to present this certificate to our North La Crosse Elementary Academic All Star!” Principal Miller shouted over the screams. “This award is given to the athlete who maintains the best grades during the school year. And this year the award goes to… Daniel Pantsback!”
Daniel almost missed his name being called as the fire trucks were pulling up with their sirens blaring, arriving at the field to put out the fire that had started inside the space ship.
Also, because Cliff had given him worse grades that he deserved, Daniel had never really been sure exactly how he was doing in school. But with Molly’s help he had passed his latest test with flying colors so, apparently, he was doing pretty good.
Daniel’s teammates shoved him toward the principal so he could receive his certificate.
“I proudly present to you, Daniel, this certificate for Academic All Star, and for all your hard work and dedication to getting good grades, I present to you this gift card to the new Fen’s Noodle Hut that just opened up over on Elm Street, across from Carl’s Curd Shop.”
Principal Miller shook Daniel’s hand and gave him the certificate and envelope with the gift card.
Daniel didn’t know what to say as his team congratulated him and slapped him on the back. So he said the only thing that came to his mind…
“Who wants some noodles?”
MEANWHILE… BACK ON THE FIELD
Principal Miller held a microphone in one hand and an envelope in another as he stood in the center of the lacrosse field after the big game.
“I would like to congratulate both our team, North La Crosse Elementary, and our cross-town rivals, South La Crosse Elementary, on playing a great game.”
South La Crosse Elementary was supposed to be standing on the field to hear this, but they had run off to try and get their bus back from Cliff and Butch since they had no other way to get home.
“I was going to award a trophy,” he continued, “But since the game was tied, I am going to return it to the trophy store where I bought it.”
Principal Miller went on to mention something about budget cuts but no one was really listening. The alien space ship was now visible and lying in a crumpled, smoking heap underneath the scoreboard. People who had come to watch the game were now running all over the bleachers and the field screaming that aliens were attacking, even though the aliens had all clearly run off into the woods.
“I would now like to present this certificate to our North La Crosse Elementary Academic All Star!” Principal Miller shouted over the screams. “This award is given to the athlete who maintains the best grades during the school year. And this year the award goes to… Daniel Pantsback!”
Daniel almost missed his name being called as the fire trucks were pulling up with their sirens blaring, arriving at the field to put out the fire that had started inside the space ship.
Also, because Cliff had given him worse grades that he deserved, Daniel had never really been sure exactly how he was doing in school. But with Molly’s help he had passed his latest test with flying colors so, apparently, he was doing pretty good.
Daniel’s teammates shoved him toward the principal so he could receive his certificate.
“I proudly present to you, Daniel, this certificate for Academic All Star, and for all your hard work and dedication to getting good grades, I present to you this gift card to the new Fen’s Noodle Hut that just opened up over on Elm Street, across from Carl’s Curd Shop.”
Principal Miller shook Daniel’s hand and gave him the certificate and envelope with the gift card.
Daniel didn’t know what to say as his team congratulated him and slapped him on the back. So he said the only thing that came to his mind…
“Who wants some noodles?”
MEANWHILE… BACK IN ALASKA
Instead of wheels, the plane that Taangag and Captain Hazelwood and the rest of the crew were flying in had giant skis. This was because the plane they were in would be mostly landing on snow and ice.
When Taangag, Captain Hazelwood and the rest of the crew took their new job, Arturo the Peruvian business man trained them on how to fly the plane, how to land and take off in the plane, how to strap a motor and propeller to an iceberg, and how to sail an iceberg back to Peru, which Taangag and the others already knew how to do pretty well
What Arturo could not train them on, however, was where to find icebergs.
“Icebergs just sort of happen,” Arturo told them, “So you have to fly around and look for them since you never know where they might turn up.”
But Taangag knew better.
Taangag knew how to make icebergs.
When he and Captain Hazelwood and the crew landed near Taangag’s tiny village they were met with great cheers and applause, and a party was held in their honor.
Parties in the Arctic Circle are pretty small affairs since they don’t usually have access to banners and streamers, and balloons don’t last long in the freezing cold temperatures. But the tiny village did put together a small band and an ice dance floor, some chips, and a pretty tasty clam dip.
When everyone was eating and dancing Taangag saw the love of his life, Emeq, across the crowded dance floor.
Taangag ran to her and whisked her away from the party. He told her all about his adventures and the boat crash and the bottled water. He told her about all the money he was making and how they could travel and see the world. And he told her that he wanted her to go with him.
And he told her about his idea for making icebergs.
Emeq laughed, but agreed to give it a try.
Standing on a the edge of a giant cliff at the end of a giant glacier that looked out over the giant Arctic Ocean, Taangag and Emeq kissed at last, rubbing their noses together.
Because they loved each other so much, and because they had been away from each other for so long, Taangag and Emeq rubbed noses a little longer than most people who just generally like each other. And because their noses rubbed longer their noses generated more heat than they normally would because of all the friction, which has already been explained to you.
And it was this nose friction, this tiny, teeny bit of heat that once more raised the temperature around them by one single tiny, teeny degree. But this was enough to crack the ice.
Taangag and Emeq found themselves on a giant iceberg, floating away from their tiny village and further out to sea.
Taangag held his mitten-covered hand in Emeq’s mitten-covered hand as they passed their tiny village, waving to the party on the shore.
Captain Hazelwood waved back as the crew started up the plane.
And on this cold block of ice floating in freezing water in the middle of the Arctic Circle, Taangag and Emeq were warmer than they had ever been.
MEANWHILE… BACK IN ALASKA
Instead of wheels, the plane that Taangag and Captain Hazelwood and the rest of the crew were flying in had giant skis. This was because the plane they were in would be mostly landing on snow and ice.
When Taangag, Captain Hazelwood and the rest of the crew took their new job, Arturo the Peruvian business man trained them on how to fly the plane, how to land and take off in the plane, how to strap a motor and propeller to an iceberg, and how to sail an iceberg back to Peru, which Taangag and the others already knew how to do pretty well
What Arturo could not train them on, however, was where to find icebergs.
“Icebergs just sort of happen,” Arturo told them, “So you have to fly around and look for them since you never know where they might turn up.”
But Taangag knew better.
Taangag knew how to make icebergs.
When he and Captain Hazelwood and the crew landed near Taangag’s tiny village they were met with great cheers and applause, and a party was held in their honor.
Parties in the Arctic Circle are pretty small affairs since they don’t usually have access to banners and streamers, and balloons don’t last long in the freezing cold temperatures. But the tiny village did put together a small band and an ice dance floor, some chips, and a pretty tasty clam dip.
When everyone was eating and dancing Taangag saw the love of his life, Emeq, across the crowded dance floor.
Taangag ran to her and whisked her away from the party. He told her all about his adventures and the boat crash and the bottled water. He told her about all the money he was making and how they could travel and see the world. And he told her that he wanted her to go with him.
And he told her about his idea for making icebergs.
Emeq laughed, but agreed to give it a try.
Standing on a the edge of a giant cliff at the end of a giant glacier that looked out over the giant Arctic Ocean, Taangag and Emeq kissed at last, rubbing their noses together.
Because they loved each other so much, and because they had been away from each other for so long, Taangag and Emeq rubbed noses a little longer than most people who just generally like each other. And because their noses rubbed longer their noses generated more heat than they normally would because of all the friction, which has already been explained to you.
And it was this nose friction, this tiny, teeny bit of heat that once more raised the temperature around them by one single tiny, teeny degree. But this was enough to crack the ice.
Taangag and Emeq found themselves on a giant iceberg, floating away from their tiny village and further out to sea.
Taangag held his mitten-covered hand in Emeq’s mitten-covered hand as they passed their tiny village, waving to the party on the shore.
Captain Hazelwood waved back as the crew started up the plane.
And on this cold block of ice floating in freezing water in the middle of the Arctic Circle, Taangag and Emeq were warmer than they had ever been.
MEANWHILE… AT “FEN’S NOODLE HUT”
Daniel decided to use the gift card he had won for being an Academic All Star to take Molly and Martin and the rest of his lacrosse team to the brand new Fen’s Noodle Hut that had just opened up on Elm Street.
When they walked in they were met with the wonderful, warm scent of the most delicious noodles they had ever smelled. Fen’s Noodle Hut had rice noodles, wheat noodles, egg noodles, noodles in soup and noodles in bowls. They had noodles mixed with vegetables and noodles mixed with meats and sauces and even noodles just all by themselves.
The only beverages they had were bottles of water, which at first seemed odd because most restaurants just had soda. But Fen’s Noodle Hut only carried one kind of drink, a bottled water from Peru called “Arctic Agua”. And everyone had to admit, the noodles were the best they had ever had, and the water was the cleanest, freshest beverage they had ever tasted.
Daniel sat at a table next to an open window. As his friends talked and laughed and ate, Daniel looked out the window and thought about how great his life was.
He had set a goal for himself, to buy his lacrosse stick, and he had done it. He had wanted to make the team and he had done that, too. When he had been placed on academic probation he had studied hard and got good grades to get back on the team. And he had finally made it to the big game, even though it hadn’t turned out quite as he had hoped. He hadn’t scored the winning goal, but maybe along the way he had done something much more important.
Daniel came out of his daydream when something fluttered past.
There, on the ledge of his window, a beautiful butterfly landed…
... and gently flapped its wings.
THE END